I was raised in a Baptist/Methodist family. One of the earliest memories I have of attending any type of church is when I was maybe four or five years old. Just a couple of "snap-shot" images in my mind, really. Not much more. It wasn't until I was about eight or nine years old that I recall any real specifics about church and Sunday school and Vacation Bible School. It was also about that time I started noticing how differently adults acted in church than they did during other times when they were not around the church or church events. And I suppose you could say I was a bit smarter than the average kid during those days. (Well, maybe not "smarter", but I was able to learn things at a faster pace than normal.) I had gotten tested in school and they wanted to advance me a year ahead a couple of times. My Mom would not let them, though. (And, knowing the things I know now, I am glad she wouldn't allow it.) Anyway, as a result of my "enhanced" learning abilities (and the fact that I loved to read during my younger years), my reading comprehension skills were pretty good, I suppose, especially for my age. And I guess maybe that is why so many of the stories they taught us in Sunday school and why so many of the sermons preached during regular services never made much sense to me. Simply too many contradictions and inconsistencies, even from the perspective of my young and impressionable little brain. Nevertheless, I was also raised to be obedient and respectful toward my elders (whether they were family or not). Therefore, naturally, I trusted the ones that I knew loved and cared about me, and I just went along with the program in the hopes that one day it would all make sense to me. Along the way, of course, it was always-always-always drilled into my skull that, "God is good. God is mysterious. God is perfect. God is all-forgiving. God loves you no matter who you are or what you do. But.... YOU MUST FEAR GOD. And if you do not believe in Jesus, GOD WILL SEND YOU TO HELL." Add to that the whole concept of, "The Devil is bad. The Devil lies. Satan is evil and will make you question God and will make you have doubts about God. If you have doubts about God or question anything about Him, that is only Satan trying to lead you astray. If you have doubts, you are allowing Satan to control you and you are making God unhappy." Needless to say, when you have every adult you know and care about pounding these things into your head as a kid over and over and over during the course of all of the formative years of your life, some of that shit tends to stick around in the ol' noggin' a bit. Regardless of how little any of it makes sense to you.

During those early days, church was pretty much every single Sunday morning, with very few exceptions. Night services were often attended, also. And every now and then we would go to a Wednesday evening service depending on the whims of the adults. Then there was the Vacation Bible School for a couple of weeks straight during the early summer. And all during that time, the more I learned in church and the more advanced I became in school, the less and less the church stuff made sense. But, still, respect and trust the adults.... (despite the fact many answers they provided to tough questions were less than mind-blowing). By the time I reached my teen years, my church attendance had trickled down to holiday events and a few random Sundays scattered throughout the year. Otherwise, I was just busy being a teenager and trying to figure out life, and being the big brother in helping my Mom with my younger brother and sister while my Mom worked two or three different minimum wage/part-time jobs just to put food on the table.

Fast-forward to adulthood and out on my own making my own way in the world. Not much thought about church due to just trying to live paycheck to paycheck. Then I had about a one or two year period where I dove head first back into the deep end of the religion pool after exiting a horrendous marriage that should have never happened. And that caused me to spiral down to a point where I felt I had nowhere else to go. However, after getting past the emotional trauma and regaining some amount of my rational thought, those same old feelings of, "This stuff just doesn't make sense," finally caught back up with me. At that point, my attendance starting dropping, and after my work hours and off days changed, I managed to break away again. Nevertheless, the whole threat of Satan and hell still managed to maintain its hold over my conscious and subconscious. It was ALWAYS there in some form or fashion. And it remained there in my mind like that for several decades, constantly causing me to doubt/fret/worry and second-guess myself about almost anything and everything I ever did, good or bad.

Then, about seven years ago, I met my wife. She was a yoga instructor at the time and was incredibly knowledgeable about the bible and several other different religions, especially Paganism. Because of her, I started learning about things I had never known existed and she helped me dispel many false perceptions about Paganism and other religions. And then my Mom died a little over a year and a half ago. She was really the last thing that kept me tied to religion, because it just seemed wrong and disrespectful of me to fully push it aside while she was alive. (Didn't fully realize that until several months after her death.) Those two main things, along with several other minor details and events along the way, were what caused me to finally be able to fully break away from the religion nonsense and completely free my mind from that insidious grasp that Satan and Hell had on me for all those years. And it is one of the most liberating feelings I have ever had in my life. And I would be wrong in not giving credit to many of you here on the AR for helping through some of my rough spots along the way. Plus, the knowledge I have gained here these past several months has been priceless. A big "Thank You" to everybody out there. (And, yes, even to John and a couple of our other regular theists. *grin*)

arakish: Sorry,,,,, It's too late for you and I.

Relax. I will buy you a beer on your next trip to Thailand and we can sit in one of those outdoor juicy girl bars and insult everyone walking by. It will be a great day!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6I_dKUYyI4

My first memory of actually believing in God was around first grade. I went through a phase where every night, I would "ask Jesus into my heart". These were long elaborate prayers where I begged for forgiveness of my sin and told God I knew I really needed him and would go to hell without him. I would cry because I was terrified that I wasn't sincere enough all of the other times I'd prayed and pleaded with God that I *really* meant it this time. Nothing like the fear of hellfire to bring you closer to the God that's threatening you.

Ha ha ha ha ha..... You said Phew! And "Truck stop restroom." What juvenile humor!!!