Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles

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ThePragmatic's picture
Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles

A mother has rewritten Harry Potter and replaced all mentions of witchcraft and wizardry with references to Christianity. (On fanfiction.net)

"Author's Note: Hello, friends! My name is Grace Ann. I'm new to this whole fanfiction thing; but recently, I've encountered a problem that I believe this is the solution to. My little ones have been asking to read the Harry Potter books; and of course I'm happy for them to be reading; but I don't want them turning into witches! So I thought….. why not make some slight changes so these books are family friendly? And then I thought, why not share this with all the other mommies who are facing the same problem?"

A few excerpts:

"Hagrid laughed wisely. "Evolution is a fairytale. You don't really believe that, do you?""

"But what about the Constitution?" Dean Thomas questioned articulately. "Doesn't he care about the First Amendment?", "Mr. Snape shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid not. And Voldemort is working through him and using them all. Before long: all our freedoms will be gone.""

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2771396/Reverend-Dumbledore-ob...

Could/should she not be sued to eternal poverty for this?

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Endri Guri's picture
Yeah, a Grown up Mocks the

Yeah, a Grown up Mocks the Idea of Evolution using a Fantasy Book which was meant to give Children a spark of Magic and Adventure and now it's used to Persuade Children into Christianity and Fundamentalism (regarding how Evolution is a Fairy Tale).

the_believer's picture
She could be sued for this,

She could be sued for this, but I doubt that she could be sued into eternal poverty for this. I shall leave the "should" to everyone else.

Deforres's picture
And, of course, the theists

And, of course, the theists are ruining my favorite pastime(I.e: reading and writing fanfiction) as well. Damnit.

Nyarlathotep's picture
I wonder if they have a

I wonder if they have a "fundie lord of the rings"?

CyberLN's picture
Or "Fifty Shades of Xtianity"

Or "Fifty Shades of Xtianity"...

algebe's picture
Well I've written a

Well I've written an expurgated version of the Bible free of all references to magic, violence, sex, and any content that might frighten and harm children.

Here it is:

"In the beginning." The end.

mykcob4's picture
Typical christian bullshit. I

Typical christian bullshit. I had a "friend" that entered my house while my niece was watching 'Dragontales' on PBS. He had his son with him. He immediately demanded that I changed the channel. I asked him to leave and to never darken my door again.
Christians, especially evangelicals are so messed up in the head it isn't even funny.

Deforres's picture
In other news, a comment from

In other news, a comment from today says that a report has been filed to the FFRF. Not sure that's going in the right direction, but it's progress.

Deforres's picture
It also has its own TVTropes
chimp3's picture
We would not want those

We would not want those little sheeple wandering too far from the herd , would we? Might take off on a journey of self-discovery and follow their own dreams! The last thing we need is kids using their imaginations.
The plagiaristic model described above is repeated in the genre of xtian music. A punk rock christian band? Give me a break! All the best tunes are affiliated with Satan! So says Bart Simpson.

ThePragmatic's picture
That reminds me of the song

That reminds me of the song Beelzeboss by Tenacious D. It's got a little Satan in it. Not Safe For Christians.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8-LH_VUROk

curtisabass's picture
Two of my personal favorites

Two of my personal favorites are Ac/dc "Highway to Hell" and "Hell's Bells".

Alembé's picture
Can somebody please answer

Can somebody please answer this. Why do christians get so amped up about witchcraft? Is it because the biblical miracles and witchcraft (whatever that is) seem so similar. (Not that I believe in either.) What is the story here?

Thanks.

Nyarlathotep's picture
I can only guess:

I can only guess:

1) Viewed as a competing religion.

2) The bible: Exodus 22:18 - "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."

CyberLN's picture
(Please note, what follows is

(Please note, what follows is admittedly euro-centric.). Perhaps it's rooted in gender. We have tons of historical evidence that church leaders did not welcome any woman who held any amount of sway over others. Most folks accused of witchcraft were women...guess it was one way to, uh, eliminate what they saw as a problem.

ThePragmatic's picture
I agree.

I agree.
I think witch hunting was invented as a weapon to freely kill anyone who did not comply, first and foremost against women. It was easy to accuse anyone and then get rid of them.

I have an ancestor who was burned as a witch. Fortunately for me, she had a child first who survived...

algebe's picture
If you got sick in the Middle

If you got sick in the Middle Ages you could go a monastery, where the brothers would pray over you, rub saints' bones on you, and apply poultices of animal or human shit to wounds. Then you'd get sicker and probably die, after your family had paid a large fee to the monks.

Or you could go to a wise-woman (herbalist). She'd treat you with herbal extracts, honey (a natural antiseptic), spiders-web poultices and other remedies based on millennia of experimentation. She'd take away your pain with willow-bark tea (the source of aspirin). You'd feel better and probably recover. Since a woman was succeeding where men had failed, it was obviously the work of Satan.

So you can see why the monks didn't like wise-women. If the wise-woman was attractive, the sexually frustrated monks and priests would be even more vengeful. In their twisted minds, that led to torture and burning.

Alembé's picture
Thanks for your contributions

Thanks for your contributions, Folks,

I was being lazy. I should have done some research for myself before I asked the question. For a long winded christian point of view, see:
http://www.equip.org/article/modern-witchcraft/

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