Hi there just a question to those who have been there I have not long started my recovery from religion and I am not going to lie it is one of the hardest things I have ever done it has literally made me feel like a different person and not for the worse. I don't look at the world now with impending doom, waiting for every thing to go from worse to worse. I now see a responsibility that lies on our shoulders as people and that is to try to make things better, no matter what for the people around us by looking after our world and each other. I see the more common religious beliefs systems as un-helpful in this manner, as they have destruction as there end goal which I find completely counter active towards humanity. Now having stating the previous and realising a positive change in myself I do still in these early stages find my self suffering from what I can only describe as a form of anxious worry it occurs mainly when some one presses me with there religious beliefs even though I know many of there fundamental flaws. I think it is because it reminds me of how strongly I used to believe in it myself and when I observe how strongly others believe in it and the mixture of the emotions that makes me anxious and confused. Now my question is to those who have come from a religious background does this affect wear off can you truly live a life that is free from literature dictatorship and be completely free from the emotional affects of religious dogma?
Many thanks in advance for any reasonable replies.
Spudnik510
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Great news for you, Spud. Allow me to be the first to tell you it DOES get better. Those feelings of anxiety you are having are normal, but I assure you they will pass over time. Take it from a guy who has been there. Your continued quest for knowledge and logic will help you along the way even more. Keep your chin up. It does get better.
Yes, in time it will disappear. I was Catholic. Then became a born again Christian and you would not have liked me. I was as obnoxious and puffed up as they are today. Although today Evangelicals are nasty, sarcastic, and mean. Back then I was simply annoying and obnoxious. People wanted to avoid me but I don't think they wished me harm. I hope.
It will slowly but surely fade away like a big ship pulling out of the harbor. It will get smaller and smaller and smaller until you can't even see it anymore. It's been said bad habits are difficult to break. Good habits too. So after your ship has sailed, so to speak, you will discover freedom in a way you never knew and it will become a good habit.
Hi Spudnik,
I completely agree with Tin-Man; it does get better. However, it will take time. Consider it a process, not an event. For instance, when I rejected religious beliefs a few years ago, I initially felt “naked and unprotected” because there was no “benevolent” deity watching over me. That feeling took several months to pass.
Coming to terms with one’s mortality, and its absolute finality, may be the hardest thing to do. I realized, “Well, there is no heaven. Hey, there is no hell!” This conclusion made me understand that every day is precious. If we take care of ourselves and are lucky, we get about 30,000 days, so cherish every one, and live life to the fullest.
There is so much to replace religion your life can be filled with wonder, awe, reason, inspiration. Fuck them preachers!
Good for you Spudnik. Now you have a reason to live, and to enjoy life. Many theists I talk to can't wait to die, so they can escape what they believe is a terrible earthly existence.
For me, that is now the complete opposite. When I wake up I give thanks I am still alive, then go about noticing and enjoying what this wonderful planet has to offer.
Yes, it wears off. Nothing can defeat religion like information and learning. Education is the bane of religion.
Setting religion down and walking away is a major life change. You can compare it to a death in the family, a divorce, a house burning down or any other major life altering event.
I have a "Pick Up Sticks" philosophy of life. Have you seen the game. Life is like a game of pick up sticks. You hold all the brightly colored sticks in your hand and then you let them go and they make a big mess on the floor. Then one at a time we begin picking up the sticks and organizing the colors. As soon as we think we have everything figured out and all the stick in our hand, the game is over and we have to pick them up and drop them again. Life is always about picking up the pieces and starting something new. The better you get at this and the more accepting of it you become, the less life stress you have and the happier you become over the long run. On the other side of all this you will be a much better person. Hang in there.
Although I was never religious, I can speak from a different perspective in having lost my family. From that perspective, my life has gotten better, although still empty. With religion, I can guarantee there is so much better stuff to fill to replace it. With me, for the last ten to twelve years, I have filled my life with an over abundance of work. If I did not over work myself, oftentimes to the point I literally pass out from complete exhaustion, then I'd consider myself to have too much time to sit and mope about my loss and begin that long spiral into the black hole of insanity. Keeping myself busy helps to keep my mind busy. I would guess the same would hold true for finally throwing away religion.
Keep yourself busy enough doing what you enjoy doing. Soon enough you will realize you have filled that void and shall no longer miss it. It is completely different for me, but even I can realize what I am doing that helps keep me sane. At least partially.
rmfr
I was a catholic for 17 years, then simply a theist for maybe 2 years, now I'm an Agnostic Atheist and I've never felt better. What I would recommend doing is finding things in your life that you love and that only religion pushed away from you, and start doing these things. Also what helped me a lot was to think "Damn, I figured it out, when I try to use logic, they (my religious family) are not listening, they are using emotional manipulation, faith, fear and finally the "I'm your mother so I know better" arguments, which are the stupidest arguments there are in a conversation. I'm happy that I can present logical arguments and they are using cheap tricks to desperetly hold on to their beliefs." Be proud of your statements and defend them, but be sceptical and don't push people away, try to show them that you are right not through force, but through calm, well constructed conversation. And also- have fun with it. This is what I think helped me the most. I love thinking about religions and faith, I love talking about them, I love trying to construct contr-arguments for some theories that people create, I love to listen to people debating. Have fun with your brain, as you're using one of its most amazing features that is logical thinking. Good luck to you and have a great day! :)
A fellow Catholic. You deserve an award.
I have found, since giving up religion, that no argument can be made to a "believer" that will change their belief. Have you found that? It seems that when they believe just because they want to believe, there is no argument to be made. They are absolutely sure that everything that happens to them in life is god's plan. The loving god of pain and destruction, of course.
I may be in an unusual position now in getting to watch my spouse go through the religious indoctrination in a church we both attend. Why do I attend the church? So I know the crap she is being told and I can comment on it at home. Lovingly of course. Our sister-in-law was a Catholic nun and my wife gets drawn into it by her. Since nuns were "married to god", I guess she got a divorce :') But she still practices TOTAL catholic beliefs. Hurts me to even think about it. One of her friends told us, at a gathering, how Jesus would visit her and talk to her. In her kitchen. That was a few months before she went nuts. I'm glad my wife saw that.
Anyway, congratulations. I like to hear from other survivors..
Hello Spudnik,
I know where you're at, but won't assume you are having the same experiences I am having, so my answer may not help you.
I've been either Catholic or Christian since 5 years old. I am 67. I went to Catholic grammar school. I was indoctrinated into the Catholic religion during those years. The religious "teaching" method involved endless repetition, endless memorization, psychological attack, and even beatings when deemed necessary by the Dominican nuns. The "fear of god" was instilled in me for years to come.
Of course, after graduating 8th grade, I went into the "free world" not practicing my religion much. But I knew god was watching.... I prayed when things didn't go as I wished. And I mean prayed a LOT. At one time during a job layoff, I said Rosaries every day, at the prescribed time, in the prescribed manner. There was no way I could have been more in tune to the god presence I was indoctrinated with. During this time, I did not attend church, thinking I was doing much more with the way I practiced my faith and thought church going did not really matter.
At a particularly difficult time, I decided god was not hearing me, so I began attending a Presbyterian church. This is the church my wife chose to baptize our son, and attend the church for years with her mother. While attending this church, I dove in head first into the deep end of the pool. I devoted time and money as never before. I immediately joined in church groups and functions and most important, a bible study class.
To make a longer story short, why did I do this? Because I thought my life would improve if I went directly to god's house (as churches are referred to) and asked in person. Looking at this, you can see where my grade school indoctrination took me.
Later, I felt this church did not follow the bible closely enough, I joined the strictest bible based church I could find. They didn't believe in a lot of proven science as we know it to be true today. But I didn't care. I donated more time and money as I "knew" god would hear me now!
So. Here I was. Soaking up all the religious teachings like a sponge. Full speed ahead. Damn the torpedos.
Now, if there was a god I could thank, I would thank him for the critical, scientific side he gave me. Upon reaching my point of maximum religious capacity, my critical side began the process of sifting through all I knew up to this point. What I found was that the balance of truth to bullish`t just wasn't right. There is plenty of bullshi`t in our everyday lives, but this pile was just too much.
But knowing that "god was still watching me", I returned to another Presbyterian church, then back to my original Presbyterian church in order to straighten things our. Now I was on a mission. A mission to sink or swim in this whole religion thing. I did more research into the bible than ever before, particularly literature ABOUT the bible and what it really was. And the lights start to turn on.
During my bible study class I now posed questions and opinions that really irritated those attending. And it was becoming as clear to me as could be. These people didn't know what they really believed or WHY THEY BELIEVED IT. And the experience made me really sad and nervous. I came to realize I'd been lied to (bullshitt*d) for a long, long time.
So now it's over. The harness I used to wear to pull my religious baggage along has been thrown off.
Now that I've bored you to tears, I'll get to my point in answering your post. First off, you don't owe anyone anything as far as your religious belief goes. As you put religion aside, you know that it is YOU who change things in your life. You are the one who solves your problems. You make the choices. You know that you don't have to lift your eyes and hands to the sky for help. What help you may need is all around you in this world.
in a conversation with a "believer" one day, I was talking about what I just stated above. I said to my friend "If there was a god, you know what he would say to me? He'd say I gave you all you need to do this task. I gave you the mind. I gave you the strength. I gave you the knowledge and the skill. Now just get off your ass and do it."
I think it's so hard to give up religion because your giving up a security blanket. Like a baby may need it's little blanket for comfort. It is comforting to be able to put responsibility onto the guy in the sky, rather than on oneself.
I still feel the pressure you referenced in your post when confronted by the arguments of a " believer". But in my case, I know that no one was more of a believer that I was. Been there, done that. Now when confronted by the religiously indoctrinated, I feel real sorrow for them. That they still carry the heaven/hell scenario. Being watched by a god every second of their life. The god that gives pleasure and pain at whim. But every one has miracles to tell you about. Forget about the doctor that cured them. What does he have to do with anything?
My friend, it is all so sick. I am happy for you that you were able to realize your life is yours. There are tons of things we don't know about our life here. But we don't have to believe someone's stories. We need to believe in ourselves. You may have your religious emotions for a long time. Perfectly normal. Hey, we were indoctrinated by the best, right. But we were strong and smart enough to see what was happening to us. And we survived it !!! Have a wonderful life of your own now, my friend!