Hi, I have a short story/rant about my life to share.
I used to be Catholic. Most of it was because I was born into the family that practiced one, but it was never really my choice. As a young child, going to church was almost as important as doing chores. It didn't carry any meaningful reason to me, nor did I think so much about it. I went to church, pray, sometimes pray before eat...etc etc did all those things, but only so because it was just part of my life.
However, as I grew up and became around 19 years of age, I "broke free" from what I have been doing, and decided to do what is rational. Now going on 23 (in 2 days!), I now have a family who is in acceptance of what I do (which is great) and I have a girlfriend that I've been going out with for a year or so.
Now, my background information aside, my frustration and ranting comes from my girlfriend that I seek sort of an 'advice' for. Or comments.
We are both engineers in a university (in California) and she is a bright one. Only thing that ever had me question my sanity was her religious beliefs (which happens to be Christianity, to no surprise) because since then, there had been numerous arguments and fights, which became very annoying to ignore. The big part of it came from me because after having to read many, many sources of atheism, I realized just like any other people would, that Christianity was a religion without probable cause, supported meagerly by the holy sculpture bible. Even though my girlfriend and I were happy most of the time spending time together and doing stuff, sometimes when I bring up the issue of religious belief and its' undeniable nonsensical explanations, it brings the conversation to the unthinkable.
Throughout the year, I had been met with various criticisms and advice among my peers and great friends. Most of the time, my ignorance on the issue was the easiest way to handle things. She is a very nice person, so gentle, and smart. I even questioned some time before if her religious identification was not a problem at all. Even though she identified herself religious, her going to church has not affected anything serious, nor has it done any harm to me in any way (honestly). (I believe some people who may have a very close friend or a partner who is religious, does not necessarily cause problem to break you away from them.)
The biggest problem is here. EVEN though I know that her religion won't be a life-changing activity, I, still up to this date, have ambition to let her know what is the "truth" and what is not. EVEN though I know that this is actually kind of stupid (as most people would recommend "respecting" the religion to be the solution to keep close friends near you and live a normal life), I still carry small intention to do so. I love my girlfriend, but it is a tough nut for me to decide what choice is actually meaningful to her and I. I found it pretty much futile to change her vision on the topic from previous arguments, so I just felt like ranting on about what I'm just going through in my life.
Hoping for the unobtainable.... sometimes life is a problem lol. How are you folks dealing with religion to someone dear to you? Have a problem like me because you know too much?
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This is a hard decision but if you really feel that she will be much better of if she doesn't believe in jesus or even in the concept of a god, then by all means continue to try. The worst that could happen is that she doesn't want to hear any of it. Still, if he chose to remain a christian you should not consider this to be something that should make you give up on your relationship.
I think it's actually kind of interesting to be able to disagree on certain things with your partner, but only, and I really mean ONLY if you see that she truly follows christianity in a smart way and takes the good from it without becoming fanatical. There are christians and catholics who are very respectful of other points of view.
The real problem is that someone who believes in god, in the bible and heaven or hell, is also going to believe that your soul is damned and this will probably haunt them their whole life by your side. To them, your lack of faith and belief is going to cost you eternal suffering or at the very least a life of purgatory.
To you and me this is nonsense and unreasonable. To them nothing is more real and true than what the bible says. So think about that when you make your decision.
I too have a similar issue. I recently re-married, I being an atheist and her being a Christian. We have had several short discussions which don't end in a fight but usually end in us agreeing to disagree. Her parents are very religious and I am fearing the day we have "the discussion". Although, from a few comments they have directed at me they know I don't believe.
Right or wrong, here is my strategy. I think with slow gentle pressure you can move mountains. I, being raised a Jehovah's Witness, do know the Bible inside and out. So occasionally, I will leave her with a nugget to think about. Just a question, let her respond, and then drop it. Something that I know she will think about. She is a very smart girl too and I am sure that as she begins to put two and two together it will all start to fall into place for her. Don't let yourself get drug into arguments. Emotions flare on both sides and nothing gets accomplished. But if you ask simple questions from time to time and let her think about it she will come to her own conclusions and often when someone comes up with their own ideas it's better than if you spoon feed those ideas to them.
I think you will never find peace with someone who is truly religious. Like Rob said there is just too much worry on their side that you will be burning in hell for not believing in god.
You will live in constant disagreement with this and if you ever have kids she will most likely want them to be raised with her religion because she would want her kids to be sin free instead of burning in hell.
@Rob
Yes, it was the hardest thing for me to decide whether the change would be for the best, or not. With all honesty, the problem in our case arises mostly from me, because I believe that Christianity is a bogus (in various ways and for reason). I care for her very much, and I know that she is a very reasonable person at times, but the residing thoughts of her devoting her time to religion just gives me a headache sometimes. Perhaps if I were to bring this issue more indirectly and less forcefully, she may have some second thoughts to soothe within her knowledge.
@Lomfs24
Thanks for sharing your story. I truly do, after reading your response, that actions you take will be the best option for me. I hate to admit that I have been quite a bit forceful in the past (if not indirectly, but still very obvious), and it wasn't the best course of action. Perhaps it is a good thing that she isn't just completely illogical. Giving her ideas to ponder about may be the best thing!
@Walker
Yes, I have to agree that this is a very touchy issue at hand. Only reason I ponder about this problem so much is that because I see a very long term relationship with her, and that it isn't shallow. She understands me as I do for her (well, a little more from my side), and that she isn't completely "dominated" by religion, and that sometimes I see signs where I may be able to talk her out of some things in life. As much as I want to proudly say that I have changed her a bit in the past year, I still seems to have a long way to go.
Don't force your point of view o her. I think everything comes to treat her with respect. Its hard for someone to realize that what they believe to be a fact is just a story. Ponder ideas and thoughts ,ask her in a very respectful way, approach it as a sharing of beliefs and not a clash.you can even educate back her about the Bible's obscure parts.
Alright, My father is agnostic and my mother is Catholic they have been together for 60 years they love each other and to keep my mom happy my father goes to church with her every week. My mom has heard enough from my father even from his discussions with priest to know he is a non believer and he does not pretend to be a believer. But they both love each other for who they are and don't really try to change each other. My mother says she hopes that by being good she will be able to get him into heaven. In this relationship there lies a certain amount for respect for each other. The moral here is if you love someone you love them for who they are and you should not try to change them, Lets be honest, if you love her now do you really want her to change.
Zaphod that is a remarkable story with your parents. I think that when two people are smart enough to allow for their loved ones to have any beliefes they want, they come to a balance that is made of solid undesrtanding and comprehension of the liberty to believe what you want as long as you are not doing bad things to anyone with such beliefs.
The world is filled with intolerant bigots that feel that things should be their way or they should not be at all. You just need to lean to spot this kind of people and keep them away from your life. There are too many couples that never understand each other to a level that allows them to be happy for such a long time. Sam happens with friendships and family relationships.
What I find interesting is how some of these intolerant bigots who feel things should be their way or not be at all, will often call other people narrow-minded as if they do not know the actual definition of the phrase. These people tend to have extreme religious and political views!
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