Someone quite brilliant (in my own opinion), once said “Offence can never be given, only taken”.
This is something particularly significant that I have come to realize. Before someone can offend me, I have to allow that person to do so. It is easy to understand that most people don’t know that how to react to what they consider “offensive”. What I’ve come to understand is that when offence is taken, it is simply something most of us can’t control. Without control, it causes an instantaneous effect on our emotions which in turn causes us to react in an irrational manner. At that instant offence is taken, our judgement becomes clouded by our emotional response to whatever it is that we feel has offended us.
What most don’t realise is that taking offence is just another emotional reaction we can learn to control. All human beings are born incapacitated and having no control over our feelings. We develop skills as our minds develop over time and we train ourselves to control most of our emotional reactions. As adults we can control how we act around people we dislike. For example, at work when faced with a situation such as this where we ultimately have to interact out of necessity, we as adults choose not to let our feelings get the better of us and so we choose to cooperate with the person(s) we deem unappealing for the sake of the job. For children it is quite a different matter. Children react quite honestly to people they dislike on impulse. It is only when we grow up we learn to control our emotions and that allows us to build trust in others unfamiliar to us. The same can be said about being offended. Once we learn to control our emotions, we can as easily brush away negativity by our better judgement. Simply put, being offended is not a natural reaction, rather a choice that one unconsciously makes.
According to the statement, if offence can only ever be taken, then the "offensiveness" is our reaction to a statement, not a property of the statement itself. Moreover, when someone makes a statement, he or she does not know for sure whether the statement will offend someone else. It is up to the person listening to decide whether or not he or she is offended by it. Every time you take offence, it is simply because you have chosen to feel that way. The nasty feeling you have is a direct consequence of your choice, not of the statement which motivated it.
When I talk about choosing not to take offence, I refer to the kinds of things that shouldn’t deeply offend anyone as in a passive statement made by a third party or someone eating meat in front of a vegan. If you choose to see it as it is then you end up being offended.
With that being said, I should add that not all offensive statements should be taken lightly as it is not always an easy thing to do especially if the statements is aimed to offend someone directly or on a personal level, then one can expect any normal person to take offence. We should instead practice asking ourselves why is it we are taking offence and try to understand the offenders point rather than reacting irrationally and unpredictably.
~ @Lonely_Niugini
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No. Offensiveness is an inherent part of a statement. The only choice you have is wether you acknowledge the offensiveness or ignore it.
Well not everyone can react to personal insults like Gandhi or Buddha. Some offences are so egregious that they demand a response.
Everyone has their limits. Saying that taking offense is always a choice is like saying experiencing pain when kicked in the balls is always a choice. My brain is also made of hormone filled flesh.
Actually in one way or the other you all agree with free thinker and so do i. he said if we make a conscious effort not to take offense in just any statement, our disposition to take offense matures and we give rational rather than emotional answers. On the other hand if the statement is clearly meant to offend us, by all means we can go ahead and lash out. But guys, wouldn't it be even better to ignore the well intended offense more so than the unintended one?
I agree. It is a goal of mine to remain rationale and I consider myself able to remain objective in most circumstances. I am also good at ignoring assholes and I have no loss of self esteem in walking away from a stupid school yard brawl . I learned this from my father and a youth spent studying Judo and Jujitsu. However I still have my bad days when the layers have been peeled back.
I think AFT makes a very important point. The two key questions one should consider before taking offence are intent and harm.
I cannot recall ever being offended by anything anyone said with honesty as long as their intention isn't to cause offence. I agree with Myke that some offences are aggregious, but that is because of the harm they do.
Offensiveness, like almost everything is a matter of degree, not absolute. In an example offered (eating meat in front of a vegan) the degree to which a vegan might reasonably feel offended depends on more information than is given, e.g. was there an intention to make the vegan feel uncomfortable? Even then, perhaps one should be more disgusted or disdainful than offended.
One other thing to bear in mind which was hinted at and relevant is the connection between surprise and feeling outrage or losing one's temper. Feeling is less intense and reaction more thoughtful when the cortex has time to consider the amygdala's reaction.
It is just as wrong to take offence unduly as it is to cause offence deliberately.
I posted a few things on a debate site that was run by theists once. Apparently I had good arguments because the admin deleted them. There is absolutely nothing I can do about this so showing offense would be a waste of my time, considering that thought is just as likely to be deleted. It doesn't change the fact that the act of deleting my thoughts is offensive, regardless of whether I choose to take offense.
So taking offense is definitely a choice, much like the intention to offend. In some cases we can offend the person doing the offending by simply taking no offense.
Well, in my "lifetime" (it's not that I really have been in the World for long), as a Kid, I would sometimes take a Offense heavily, no matter whether it was Small, "Unintentional" or the Biggy-thing (F-stuff if I can say so). But my Reaction would Never be with Fists and Kicks, depending on the "Importance" of this Offense, I would Respond with Words (a Weapon which is clearly underestimated), something that would make the Offender pull back and zip the hole in his face (not Threats or anything related to it).
Why so? Because, by my Idea, Offenses are usually Greatly "Helped" if we respond to it with Physical Force, not only Doing what it WANTED us to do, but also impacting on our Mentality and the Social Reputation (I.e Look at that Brian he's beating up a Kid (Stewie), let's stay away from that Guy). Because the Offense's "Idea" sometimes, is to trigger the Aggressive Behavior on a Person and if the Person let's that happen that means he has a Weak Restraint when it comes to such Things.
I for myself, never take my Time to respond to petty Offenses which I clearly value as Nothing but Plain Garbage, paying no Attention to Offenders is a Way one should follow, 'cuz for the fun fact, not only you actually piss the Offender off, but you also give the Outlook (sometimes Inner-Look) of a more Cultured, Rational and Better-Things-To-Do-Rather-Than-Take-My-Time-With-Offenses Individual (Some Stupid people can't see that though).
So, I deem it Wise and Better to actually pay no Attention to Offenses as they are merely Distracting to your mind. So Instead of making a Offense as a rather "Very Important Matter" (depends what degree the Offense is) , so as to Distract your mind, why don't you just Take a Look Forward, you'll find a Much Beneficial World out there, rather than Dealing with That.
Remember, sometimes people offend because it's all they can do when they have nothing Rational to speak of, just for the benefit of draining our Energy and Time (Think of Trump).