To celebrate this joyful time of year, I thought it would be nice to rewrite some of the famous carols to give atheists a chance to join in the singing with words of their own. To kick off, here's my version of "Silent Night."
Christmas Eve, at the mall
Tempers fray, children squall.
Santa’s drunk and the elves are on crack,
Credit cards charged up to the max,
Jesus Christ on their brains,
Jesus Christ they’re insane.
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To the tune of Jingle bells.
Carolers
Carolers
Oh won't you fuck off?
And if you keep on singing,
I'll call the fucking cops.
Carolers
Carolers
Oh why can't you see?
Your annoying singing
Bugs the shit out of me.
The Megachurch Carol
Oh come all ye fuckwits.
Come and join the groupthink.
Oh pay up, oh pay up, to buy us more stuff.
Bring all your money,
But leave your brains at home.
Oh come and give us more cash.
Oh come and give us more cash.
Oh come and give us more cash.
It’s never enough.
You'll like this. Joy to the world:
https://youtu.be/XH9f3CacSjI
@Apost Re: Joy to the World
Awww... Makes me want to cuddle up next to a cozy fire with a big mug of hot chocolate and reflect upon pleasant childhood memories. *deep sigh*
To the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"
Zorboff the tiny green spaceman
Hovers in his U-F-O.
Looking down upon the Earthlings
As they scurry to and fro.
He commands the space armada
Sent to wipe the planet clean
But now he has a better game plan
Because of something he's just seen.
Christians, Muslims, ISIS, Jews.
See the wars they wage.
Zorboff thinks, "Why waste my might?
Let the stupid fuckers fight."
So he tells his fleet of spaceships,
"We're returning to our galaxy.
Because at the rate they're going,
Soon they'll do the job for meeeeeee...!"
I always change part of 'Walking in a Winter Wonderland' to this:
"Later on we'll perspire
As we sit too close to the fire..."
@Myk
LMAO..... Funny you should say that, because my wife hates it when I change the words to, "Later on we'll perspire.... As we screw by the fire..." LOL
HAhahahaha!!!!
Hey, speaking of Christmas songs, has anybody else ever noticed that "Baby It's Cold Outside" is like the ultimate Christmas date-rape song?
Silent nights,
that's what we want,
all in calm, all are bright,
round old Trumpie
can't tweet for a while,
silly infant so offender and wild:
Impeach so the world gets some peace.
Impeach, please, the world needs some peace.
I'm very "christmassy". Another one:
On the 1st day after solstice, my true love sent to me: a copy of "Mortality".
On the 2nd day after solstice, my true love sent to me: "God and the Atom", and a copy of "Mortality".
On the 3rd day after solstice, my true love sent to me "A Universe from Nothing", "God and the Atom", and a copy...
On the 4rd day after solstice, my true love sent to me: "Infidel: my life", "A Universe from Nothing"....
On the 5th day after solstice, my true love sent to me: "The Extended Selfish Gene", "Infidel: my life"...
On the 6th day after solstice, my true love sent to me: "The God Delusion", "Extended Selfish Gene"...
On the 7th day after solstice, my true love sent to me: "God is not great", "The God Delusion"...
On the 8th day after solstice my true love sent to me: "The End of Faith", "God is not great"...
On the 9th day after solstice, my true love sent to me: "The Moral Landscape","The End of Faith"...
On the 10th day after solstice, my true love sent to me: "Breaking the Spell", "The Moral Landscape"...
On the 11th after solstice, my true love sent to me: "The Phallacy of Fine Tuning", "Breaking the Spell"...
On the 12th after solstice, my true love sent to me: "Why I'm not a Christian", "The Phallacy of Fine Tuning"...
To the tune of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful"
Oh stains on my undies
Yellow, brown, and crusty!
Perhaps I should wash them,
The smell does offend!
I hate doing laundry!
One more week won't matter.
Oh, no, I feel a burning!
An itching and a burning!
Oh why is there such burning
Aa-rou-ooound my grooooin...?
Hell's bells Tin-Man! We're having breakfast here.
@Algebe
F.Y.I.....Bath day is still two days out. Bon appetit. *snicker*
Deck the halls with hours of folly
FaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa
Glenmourangie, Laphroaigh Insley
FaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa!
" We wish you a seasons greetings"
"We wish you a happy holiday"
"We wish many things"
"but theres one we won't say"
"Good tidings to you
"To you and no king"
"We wish you seasons greetings"
"And a secular new year"
Nice, Myk. Didn't know you had it in ya. lol
That sounds like the children of the world doing there thing. That`s why we need an avenue of change in these kind of lifestyles. And the church gives us that solace. That peace from the rustle and bustle of this hectic season. We need something to get us from fear and anxiety to mellow and only God could do that my friend.
@AG
Apparently, your "church" didn't teach you English. There, their, and they're, are three different terms. Maybe you should LEARN THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE because everytime you post you appear to be a MORON!
Also, your statement is nonsensical since the statement is "god fearing".
The avenue of change the world needs is eliminating religious brainwashing.
BTW AG
Quit fucking trying to hijack every thread and proselytize.
To the tune of "Merry Christmas to You" in the voice of Frank Sinatra
Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire
As she sips her wine of white
Splattered red spots on her dress all aglow
That she will have to clean tonight
Ever since she caught him cheating with that dirty skank
Vengeance smoldered in her eyes
She readied her trap, and lured him to her lair
And sprang it on him in surprise
She knows the cops are on their way
But she hid the body well, so that's okay
And when they question her, she'll start to cry
And beg and plead for them to please find her guy.
But now she's busy planning other things
Since there's just one down out of two
That dirty bitch whore, she won't cheat anymore
She'll make her cry, "Booooo-hooooooo..."
And there were shepherds living in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. The Angel said, "do not be afraid I bring you good news, that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
The Bible itself sounds even more ludicrous than the carols.
@He Suffered
Hey there! Welcome! Feel free to jump in and start singing along. I feel I must warn you, though. I am horribly tone-deaf, so my singing has been known to peel paint off walls. Still, it's all good fun. (All the same, though, you really might want to invest in some ear plugs.)
@He Suffered: And there were shepherds...
Generations of bored schoolkids have composed alternative lyrics to those sickly sentimental hymns about those sheep-shaggers and their flocks.
Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-4lk2-UA_I
And verily it is written that the religion created on that night two millennia ago has been preying on the poor and uneducated ever since.
These days when Christians turn to their particular deity to thank for their good things in their lifes, there's nothing more pleasurable than listening to Minchin. Here's his wonderful "Thank you, God": www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yqGSwE7uNk
I hope you all enjoy it.
P.S. Much better than rearranged carols.
@Flame Re: Tim Minchin
Holy cow! That dude is awesome! Never heard of him before, but I will definitely be listening to more. Thanks for the heads-up on that.
@Tin-man, (and y'all), please, check also this one out: https://youtu.be/EIBRdBVkDHQ
Sounds like a damn good book.