The perfect summation statement of the purpose of Christianity

22 posts / 0 new
Last post
arakish's picture
The perfect summation statement of the purpose of Christianity

This one comes from Seth Andrews...

The perfect summation statement of the purpose of Christianity:
Jesus: Knocks on door.
Person: "Who's there?"
Jesus: "Jesus."
Person: "Prove it."
Jesus: "Just let me in."
Person: "Why?"
Jesus: "So I can save you."
Person: "From what?"
Jesus: "From what I am going to do to you if you don't let me in."

The one who threatens to torture us has come to rescue us.
Yeah, makes a lot of sense to me.

Well, theists. Anything to add?

rmfr

Subscription Note: 

Choosing to subscribe to this topic will automatically register you for email notifications for comments and updates on this thread.

Email notifications will be sent out daily by default unless specified otherwise on your account which you can edit by going to your userpage here and clicking on the subscriptions tab.

mickron88's picture
Jesus: Knocks on door.

Jesus: Knocks on door.
Person: "Who's there?"
Jesus: "Jesus."
Person: "*arabic talking*..yalla..yalla...get my AK47.." *cluck*
Jesus: alright...alright...i'll just move on to another house, were cool ok?..chill bruh..

Cognostic's picture
Knock Knock

Knock Knock
Whose there.
Jesus.
(Yelling) Honey, the take out is here!

Knock Knock
Whose there
Jesus
(Yelling) Dammit! I just got the bloodstains off the door from your last visit.

Knock Knock
Whose there
Rapture
I told you I don't want any.

Knock knock
Whose there
Peanuts
(Yelling) Honey, the Mormons are here again.

mickron88's picture
"the Mormons are here again."

"the Mormons are here again."

i miss read it cog sorry, i thought you said "the morons are here again"..hahahah

Jared Alesi's picture
What's the difference?

What's the difference?

Tin-Man's picture
God: *knock-knock*

God: *knock-knock*

From inside the house: Who's there?

It's God.

God who?

You know. GOD.

Okay, but which one? Zeus?

No.

Odin?

No.

Is it Shiva?

NO!

Loki?... Buddha?.... Aphrodite?...

No. No. No.

(four hours later...)

Hermes?.... Apollo?... Delphi?...

God: *sitting on porch with his back against the door*.....*deep sigh*.... No, no, aaaaand NO.

Oh. Well, uh, how about Osiris?... Amun-Ra?....Geb?..... Shu?....

God: *stands up and dusts off robe at his behind*..... *looks at door with annoyed expression*..... Awww, screw this.....*walks away from house impatiently*...

From inside house: Isis?.... Adonis?.... Eros?.... Athena?....

chimp3's picture
"The Two Thousand Year Old

"The Two Thousand Year Old Virgin" . Coming to a theater near you!

Mikeykitty123's picture
Is being a virgin a bad thing

Is being a virgin a bad thing? I guess I should be ashamed of myself since I am almost 18 years old and I never really had sex with anybody, I am a virgin.

Tin-Man's picture
@Michael

@Michael

What's to be ashamed of? Nothing wrong with being a virgin, dude. I've known people who have gone much longer than eighteen. It'll happen when it happens, my man. No biggie.

Mikeykitty123's picture
According to Chimp, being a

According to Chimp, being a virgin is considered funny. All it does is remind me of how much I hate myself.

Tin-Man's picture
@Michael Re: Chimp and

@Michael Re: Chimp and virgin

Young man, you have a very strange way of misinterpreting things. Fairly certain Chimp was making fun of the whole Jesus nonsense. Not everything is about you, big guy.

arakish's picture
You know, I was a virgin,

You know, I was a virgin, excepting masturbation, until my honeymoon. I was almost 21.

Damn, that was such a drag.

rmfr

Nyarlathotep's picture
Michael - ...since I am

Michael - ...since I am almost 18 years old and I never really had sex with anybody...

If you need to use the qualifier really to say you never had sex; then you probably had sex. :P

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
@ Nyar and Michael

@ Nyar and Michael

Even if you only had sex with yourself, you are no longer a virgin...pat yourself on the back. At least you can be honest whilst most of your mates cannot...

Mutorc S'yriah's picture
Knock, knock.

Knock, knock.

Honey, someone's at the door.

[Creak], hi, can I help you ? . . . {Oh honey, it's some drunken bum}.

Yesh, I'm Chesus.

The Christ Jesus ?

Nah, Kraft Chesus.

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
Knock Knock

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Mo

Mo who?

Mo ses open the fuken door.

Flamenca's picture
Knock Knock

Knock Knock

- Who's there?
- Jesus, I'm alive.
- Oh, shut up, cocky. Do you think you know better than the doctors?

Cognostic's picture
Knock knock

Knock knock
Who's there
Yahweh.
Gesundheit!

zuzu67's picture
disagree.

disagree.

Cognostic's picture
Knock knock

Knock knock
Whose there.
Dwain
Dwain who
Dwain the blood from my lungs before I suffocate.

Knock knock.
Whose there.
Annie
Annie who
Annie thing you can do I can do better

Knock knock
Whose there
Ya
Yah who?
Wea! (I love doing that!)

Knock knock
whose there?
Voodoo
Voodoo who?
Voodoo ya love baby....

Knock knock
Whose there"
Jamaica.
Jamaica who?
Jamaica mistake if you don't let me in.

Nyarlathotep's picture
Knock, knock

Knock, knock
Who is th---
Race condition!

Cognostic's picture
Knock knock

Knock knock
Who's there?
Noah
Noah who?
Noah way to fix these holes?

Knock knock! Who's
There? Allah!
Allah who?
Allah these holes really hurt.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Dozen
Dozen who?
Dozen this knocking bother you?

Donating = Loving

Heart Icon

Bringing you atheist articles and building active godless communities takes hundreds of hours and resources each month. If you find any joy or stimulation at Atheist Republic, please consider becoming a Supporting Member with a recurring monthly donation of your choosing, between a cup of tea and a good dinner.

Or make a one-time donation in any amount.