Once upon a time....

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mykcob4's picture
Once upon a time....

Once upon a time, when there was no time, there was nothing. No heaven, no hell, no earth. There was no light and no darkness.....just nothingness, EXCEPT there was god. A naked immortal man floating around in nothing. So this naked god decided there needed to be something so he went to make it, but out of what? There was nothing to make it with. No stones, no stars, no mud, no dirt, no water, nothing! What a problem.
He started thinking..."Ah" he says, "I'll speak things into being." So he spoke. "Let there be light" and nothing happened. You can't have light without a cause because everyone knows something can't come from nothing. He tried again, he said even louder "Let there be light" and still nothing. In fact, even though he tried to speak louder there was no sound because sound needs something to be carried upon.
Then he looked at himself, and he saw nothing because light has to have something to reflect against. Then he realized that he was nothing and poof god was gone.

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Kwahu Jakquai's picture
Nice story...heheh I like it!

Nice story...heheh I like it!

xenoview's picture
Interesting little story.

Interesting little story.

Flamenca's picture
Hahaha. How dare you ridicule

Hahaha. How dare you ridicule a book from the Stone Age? XD

MCDennis's picture
No!!! It was from the stone

No!!! It was from the stone AND bronze age.

Flamenca's picture
You're right. I search for it

You're right. I search for it, and apparently modern scholars think it was written 6th and 5th centuries BC. So it's the Bronze Age.

Sorry! I was just trying to make a (bad) joke.

jonthecatholic's picture
"Once upon a time, when there

"Once upon a time, when there was no time, ..."

and then your story fails. Your narrative assumes that the creator was in time or bound by it yet you say that there was no time. Again, you're assuming that Genesis 1 and 2 are to be taken literally, which they are not. They weren't written to be taken literally, neither were they understood to be taken literally by the ancient people. This creationist belief started really rather recently when certain Christians decided that the Bible should be a science textbook of sorts.

Sky Pilot's picture
Jon the Catholic,

Jon the Catholic,

Who were the certain Christians that decided that the Bible should be a science textbook of sorts?

mykcob4's picture
Oh Fucking BULLSHIT Jon the

Oh Fucking BULLSHIT Jon the Catholic.
1) I said that there was no time in the story so you're wrong about that.
2) The bible was meant to be taken literally and always was to be taken literally. It's just that the bible is flawed and people have recognized that fact so christians have taken it upon themselves to say that certain parts are not to be taken literally. So you're wrong about that as well.
3) The creationist belief is not a recent development. It has been the case since the inception of christianity. So you're wrong about that.

You just can't handle that I wrote a story that parallels the fucked up logic of christians. It makes it obvious and abundantly clear just how fucking stupid christian apologist and christian arguments are!

jonthecatholic's picture
This idea that the Bible

This idea that the Bible should be a science textbook comes from denominations which believe in sola scriptura or "Bible alone". From my research, James Ussher (1650) and William Whiston (1696).

See the part where St. Agustine weighs in on this.

https://www.catholic.com/tract/creation-and-genesis

xenoview's picture
Jon

Jon
So your saying that Genesis 1 & 2 didn't happen? So god didn't create the universe and the earth? So god didn't make Adam and Eve?

mykcob4's picture
@JOC

@JOC
What a bunch of bullshit.
1) The catholic bible shouldn't be any different than any other bible. The bible is supposed to be perfect and the word of your god. So you are saying that catholics don't accept the word of god and instead have "added" parts or in fact edited the bible...WHAT A SACRILEGE!
2) I didn't read ANYTHING from your source that isn't pure apologist propaganda. It only proves that the bible is EXTREMELY flawed and YOU and the rest of the christian world have been scrambling for centuries to justify mistakes and lies in the bible.

Foggyday's picture
'Science', remember mean

'Science', remember means 'knowledge'. Religions have a vested interest in keeping people ignorant. It is in ignorance that their power is perpetuated. The Christian Church took it upon itself to hijack 'knowledge' in the middle ages and profess itself the ultimate authority - even persecuting people such as Galileo for questioning beyond the Church's teaching. As science relentlessly advanced, the Church has had to retreat, constantly moving its own goalposts until now, in my opinion, it has nowhere left to plant them. It simply falls back on 'Faith' which by definition is 'the maintenance of belief in the absence of any supporting evidence'. It is extolled as a virtue yet when the definition is examined it rather smacks of foolishness. There is enough wonder in the universe for us to explore and investigate. Why would we want to fall back lamely and declare it to be God's work and give up looking?

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