I just had a visit from two young Mormon missionaries. They tried to convert me, so I reminded them about their founder's criminal past, the Mountain Meadows massacre, and other evil done in the name of god.
So they offered to mow my lawn! They actually offered to mow my frigging lawn as a service to god. They seemed like intelligent young men. How can they believe in golden tablets, magic underwear, and holy lawnmowers?
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Did they think they could bribe you into conversion? Lol. That's good stuff.
You can actually talk to Mormon missionaries online... I used to do it. So much fun. https://www.mormon.org/chat
Wow that is way cool. I must try that next time they call...I have a whole heap of chores waiting.
Shit, wouldn't it be great if all the evangelising churches did that stuff? I could get up the pub much earlier!
As a matter of fact... As soon as I posted that I went to the site and started shredding missionaries... Muhaha. Two sets of them had to leave when I asked them what were the last words of Jesus. Could be coincidence... Could just be hard to answer. And the third set. They got an ear full. How come native Americans don't share any genes within the last(at least )30,000 years with Jews? Hmm. Idk. How come there is literally no evidence of any advanced civilization in the Americas, you know, with horses and steel and wheat and all that before the Europeans brought it over? Whoops... Forgot about that detail.
I destroy Mormons. Lol. In a way, I kind of feel bad about doing it... Nah. No I don't. It's fun, try it some time. Btw, Algebe, I like everything you post. You kill it out there.
Nicely done, Algebe! How do you and others have the patience to engage with such people?
Algebe, I hope you took them up on their offer. Never pass up free labor.
@ Algebe
Doing service has been a tactic of Mormons for over a century. They will even help you move.
@mykcob4: "Doing service has been a tactic of Mormons for over a century."
That must be just an American thing. I've encountered Mormons in Japan, New Zealand, and Australia, but this the first time they offered to do anything other than talk my ears off.
They come prepared to proselytize people who know nothing about Mormonism. Yesterday's pair got rather downcast when I asked some pointed questions about their fraudulent founder, the golden plates swindle, the Mountain Meadows Massacre, and the attempt to kill Mark Twain.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.... All that stuff is terribly interesting. Yadda-yadda-yadda.... But I just want to know where to get one of those holy lawnmowers! Imagine.... Sprinkle a little holy water on it, say a couple of Hale Maries. and send it on its way to mow the yard while I supervise in the shade on my front porch and drink some ice cold tea. That would be awesome! (I probably would ask about the magic underwear, too, but I'm not sure I'm ready to be quite that adventurous just yet.)
@Tin-man: "holy lawnmowers!"
I saw a satanic mower once. It injured a friend of ours. He was a foreign diplomat, who'd been in some of the world's worst trouble spots. He was on one of the last choppers out of Saigon and had also been in an embassy siege somewhere. So as a reward they sent him to a nice safe posting in New Zealand. The day after he got off the plane he decided to get into the Kiwi lifestyle and do a little gardening. So he fired up the lawn mower. Unfortunately he started it up on a slope, and it started to roll away. He stuck his foot out to stop it, and the demonic thing ate his toes. I'm sure Jesus would have protected him if he'd been a Christian.
@Algebe Re: Satanic Lawnmowers
Oh, WOW! A satanic lawnmower! That explains everything! When I was seven years old I lost two of the toes on my right foot to a lawnmower! (No shit. I really did.) I wonder if the lawnmower that cut my toes was possessed by the same demon that was in the lawnmower that cut your friend's toes? I'm not sure how the whole possession things works, but how else could that have happened? HAD to be satan, right? Because I was only seven, and I was a Christian at the time, and it was a riding lawnmower my Mom was operating at the time, and she was very much a Christian. Therefore, logically (of course), it HAD TO BE Satan (or one of his demons) who possessed the lawnmower and made it cut my foot. Hey! Mystery solved! I will sleep better at night now.
@Tin-man
I'm seeing an entire Stephen King novel forming here. Teresa: the toe-eating lawn-mower, possessed the spiteful ghost of Mother Teresa.
the reason why you lost your toes is because of ineptness you were careless you didn`t have the right kind of supervision attending to you. that`s why and how you can laugh at this incident shows where your mind is total depravity
@Agnostic Believer
Bwaaaaaah-haaaaa-haaaa-haaaaa...!!! Oh, dude! Seriously? Bwaaaah-haaa-haaa...! Obviously, you have absolutely NO IDEA how "totally depraved" my mind is! Geeeeeeez, AB. I swear, you can still crack me up sometimes! Bwaaa-haaa-haaaa!
@Agnostic Believer: "how you can laugh at this incident shows where your mind is total depravity"
Lighten up, Agnostic Believer.
Some people moan and weep and shrivel up under the impact of life's tragedies. Others tackle adversity head on, spit in its eye, and laugh in its face. The fact that Tin-man can laugh about what must have been a horrible experience is evidence of quality not depravity.
@Algebe
Hey, Algebe, true story! While at Ft. Dix going through pre-deployment training on the way to Afghanistan, a few of us were hanging out in the barracks one evening shooting the shit and basically just seeing who could come up with the best (aka: WORST) Indian name for each other. Fabulous names like Buffalos Humping, Tinkles on Bushes, and Dances with Caterpillars were assigned to the appropriate individuals. One of my teammates happened to look over at my bare feet at one point. From that moment on, my designated Indian name became Two Toes Missing. LOL
Agnostic Believer;
Here is a TROLL. Do not feed the TROLL.
What a laugh! YOU AG, saying anyone is depraved! What a fucking hypocrite! You, that appealed to this arbitrary forum because you have a dysfunctional family and don't know how to cope with it. You, that admitted that you need professional help with your...Ahem...sexual problem...and again appealed to an ATHEIST forum to solve your problem, AND you aren't even an atheist! You are the one DEPRAVED!
There is nothing in this world that one can not believe based on "FAITH." Faith is not a path to knowledge. If it was not the mormons it would be the Buddhists, Catholics, JWs, or some other sect trying to show you how pious they are.
Back in November I was raking leaves in my front yard and a couple of Mormon youths came by to chat. They also offered to help me rake my leaves. We had a discussion about god, etc and it was disappointing that the same tired arguments came up: the Order in the world and the universe, the original of morality, how will you feel when you are about to die and there is no heaven, etc.
After 20 minutes they gave up, but offered to rake my leaves for me anyway. I said, "You are already being exploited by the elders in your church to proselytize, it would be very hypocritical of me to accept your offer. Bye."
OOOO! Do they do dishes? Or other housekeeping? Send them over. (And, yeah, I'll talk their ears off, too, so their heads'll be swimming by the time the dishes are done.)