So earlier I shared a comment regarding the silliness of the bible and how any rubbish can fit the narrative,
some times making more sense then the actual 'holy scripture'.

I thought I would use my commute home to take it a step further, I give you, The holy book of nonsense!

The book of Phil (Collins)

1. In the beginning The Great Cosmic Unicorn created the hot dense state of low entropy, because that would make sense when the partially evolved primates got their 'shit' together. The Great one satisfied by the state, enjoyed a unfathomably large tin of beans and the aftermath delivered a large bang, a big bang! Now the earth was without form, for it hadn't been created yet.
The unicorn saw the random mess, and though it was good-ish.

2. After billions of years the Great Cosmic unicorn created the earth, but knowing entities may ask for evidence, scrawled 'Bob was 'ere' on the back of The Rockie mountains.
This can only be seen by the chosen few, those that pay homage to the Great Unicorn and that consume vast quantities of the mushrooms of life, all whilst wearing the holy hats made of tin foil.
When they do this, he will be happy, and it will be good.

3. The Great one did not need to say let there be light, because there already was light from the bright stars that he created first, because, well, that just makes sense.
But he was annoyed to know that as he sees all included all stars, he couldn't never actually see 'nothing'.
The Great ones eyes dried like that of the salt plains he created and cried a river that would be called The Thames, and there people would feel a calling to leave gifts to The Unicorn, gifts of shopping trolleys and bags of kittens.

4. The Great unicorn then created the oceans and stocked it full of delicious creatures for its first children to eventually done upon.
Because it makes 'sense' to create animals for the sole purpose of being killed and eaten rather than letting them live in peace and finding sustenance elsewhere.

5. On the 5th day, the Great one created Keith Richards as it eternal gate keeper, for when he perishes, so shall man kind.
He saw his wrinkly scrotum and used the skin to create a face, and the unicorn declared, "when all bipedal creatures reach an age that won't be specified, they too will have the scrotum face!".
And he saw the scrotum face and thought it was good, well, actually he thought it was funny.

6. On the sixth day, The Great Unicorn brought forth his wand of epic majesty and created wasps.
Because plants shouldn't pollinate others naturally, that would just be weird.
However, the wasps can annoy his minions and occasionally kill the undesirables of whom have no immunity against them.
He spoketh, "Thou that is fallen by the fly in a colourful jumper and harpoon in its butt, will face damnation for being utterly useless".
He saw the wasp and thought it was good, until it wouldn't leave him in peace with his honey sandwich.
Then he made them really small, rather then the original plan to be similar in size to that of a large boulder.

7. On the seventh day, The Great one 'got on with it', Because deities don't need rest.
So he created an invinsible puma and then forgot all about it.

Next, Chapter two, the story of the first creations, Dave and Linda.