Have you experienced inner turmoil in your family especially how it separated you on special days of the year like birthdays and holidays. Well that is my particular story. I come from a dysfunctional family where my parents separated when I was only ten years old . I have 3 older sisters all as far as I know don`t talk to one another. My parents are deceased. I Celebrate this Christmas season alone. do you think that this is proper?
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Well Agnostic Believer, it sounds to me like you need some friends. One way to do that is to join a group of people who share a common interest or are working to help other people. Volunteers are always welcome.
But here's a hint. When making friends, accept them for who they are. Don't preach at them and try to convert them as you do here. If you want people to like you, listening is more important than talking.
I feel for you AB. Maybe you, after a lifetime, are realising that your loving church community just isn't that loving and connected. As Algebe suggests, get some new friends, join some secular clubs, start listening, stay on topic when chatting in person and don't make stuff up. You will find friends very quickly.
Hey, AB. Please allow me to let you in on a little secret: Believe it or not, pretty much ALL families are dysfunctional in one way or another. Some are simply better at hiding it than others. Goodness knows I can certainly attest to the fact MY family as I was growing up was in no way shape or form "normal". My Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 4 or so, and my Mom, brother, sister, and I rarely lived in one place longer than six or seven months at a time. Being the oldest of the three, I was most often left to "supervise" my siblings while my Mom was working two or three minimum wage part-time jobs just to keep food on our table. Went through two or three step-dads over the years, and I have a couple of half-sisters from my Dad somewhere in this country whom I have never known and will likely never see. Fast-forwarding a bit, my step-dad of about twenty years died four years ago on Christmas Day, after my wife's Dad had died only a week earlier. Then, about a year after that, my real Dad contacts my Mom and he moves back down here with her and they re-marry after having been apart over forty years. Prior to then, I never even knew where my real Dad was or even if he was still alive. And then my Mom died earlier this year. My sister and I never talk, and my brother is slowly dying of an irreversible lung/heart condition caused by his deployment to Iraq back in 2005. My brother and I are close, but he and I do not see eye-to-eye in the area of religion. Granted, there are many, many things I left out, but you get the idea. Now, you may be wondering why I would put all of this stuff out there like that. I did it in an attempt to hopefully help you to understand there is... no... such... thing... as... NORMAL. Life is what it is. Families are what they are. You may look at other people's families and think, "Wow! They are the perfect family. Wish my family was like that." But what you have to remember is that most often you are only seeing the "surface" of the whole thing. You have no idea what is really going on below that surface. Here's the important part, though: No matter how perfect or imperfect, functional or dysfunctional, my family is or ever was, I would never want to change anything about them in any way. (And I sure as shit wouldn't want to trade them in for somebody else's problems. LOL)
I truly and sincerely hate that you are alone during the holidays, as I have spent many a holiday alone myself during years past. I know it sucks. And, no, it is not proper. Like Algebe said, it sounds like you need some friends. And if you truly want to find a few, I strongly suggest you take his advice. Just accept people for who they are. It is not as difficult to do as you may think. And, as I have tried to tell you over and over, just learn to chill, dude. Tell us a joke. Tell us a funny story. Give it a shot. Can't hurt to try. See ya around, buddy.
@Tin-man: "pretty much ALL families are dysfunctional in one way or another."
Sad but true, Tin-man. And I think it's always been that way. The difference today is that we've been brainwashed by TV sitcoms into thinking that there are perfect happy families, and that any problems can be solved within a 30-minute time slot. Shows like the Simpsons and Malcolm in the Middle actually provide a more realistic picture. It's better to accept that everyone has problems that they're struggling to solve or conceal. Then maybe we can show some tolerance and support for each other.
@Algebe
Yeah, The Simpsons are great. Although, Family Guy cracks me up too. Basically, my general rule of thumb is if you have a roof over your head, food on your table, and clothes on your back, then be thankful. Everything else is extra. Because there are way too many people out there in the world who do not even have those three basics. Been there. Seen that. And I do my best to try to never take for granted all the wonderful things I have in my life now. And one of the more interesting things about family is that they are what make us who we are (whether we like it or not). Regardless of how "dysfunctional" my family was/is, I am the man I am today because of their influence. And, regrettably, there are sometimes problems between family members that cannot be resolved. Doesn't mean we stop loving them. Just means we can no longer in good conscious condone or excuse certain behavior. But, that too is often a part of being in a family. It isn't always roses and rainbows. Then again, neither is life in general.
Hey, AB, if you are reading this - again - I am not trying to paint some doom and gloom picture here. Just trying to help you see that you are not alone when it comes to family issues. More importantly, you shouldn't consider your family to be "dysfunctional" simply because they may not match up with what today's social media tries to sell as the "perfect family". There is no such thing as a "perfect family."
@AB
It's normal it's called life deal with it and stop preaching that is half of your problem in the first place.
We all have situations in our lives, we deal with them.
Is it proper to spend christmas alone? Well, I guess it depends on what you want. I wanted a quiet christmas with my husband and daughter. Did I get it? Nope. Hubby got called to work at 1:30am and didn't get home until after 4pm, we live in Massachusetts and he works for the DPW.My daughter ended up in bed with a stomach bug all day. I spent the day alone. Sure, I could have braved the snow and gone to my parents or a friends, but I chose to stay home. I wanted quiet and I got it. Was it proper? Is there a rule that says you must spend holidays with others? I spent my birthday alone, by choice. It's what I wanted. Does that make me improper? If you are an agnostic, then you don't believe in religion, if you don't believe in religion then being alone on christmas shouldn't be that big a deal. Now, if you really felt the need to be with people, perhaps volunteering at a homeless shelter would have been the way to go. You wouldn't have been alone and you may have learned that there are others out there that have it far worse than you.
@Lorac:
There's a lot of pressure from the media to conform to certain a certain image of the perfect Christmas. For an hilarious portrayal of a man driven crazy by his obsession with Christmas, watch Chevy Chase in "Christmas Vacation".
Christmas is a conspiracy between the Christian church and the retail sector.
I hope your daughter's feeling better.
Hia Lorac well it has come and gone now, But at least you have parents and friends so its your choice, but I have none no friends or family. it was foisted upon me I didn`t ask for this it just came. But thanks for the recommendation to volunteer at the soup kitchen and homeless shelter. love billy