I don't feel it matters if I label myself as atheist or if I am or am not an atheist. I believe this world is a world of thoughts and beliefs through consciousness. I had what I would describe as a near death experience that helped validate and change some of my views on whether there is a God (s). I do feel that there is something connecting everything..like an all that is. When I had my experience there was this feeling of indescribable love that I am unable to communicate to anyone. I don't think there is a God or Gods in a way that can be described or understood in this form..nor do I think it is important that we understand what exactly 'all that is' or a concept of God is. One thing I do believe is there is no God or gods in the many ways that people think there is here. I honestly believe that this is some kind of illusion but I don't want to come across as some 'crazy'..especially a crazy that needs for everyone to know what she believes in and wants to force her thoughts on others. It is not that important. It took me awhile to realize that the label I would get is 'Atheist' as I do not believe in a God or Gods..in the way that most people do. I think believing in some connecting, indescribable force that connects us all does not qualify as believing in God(s)..lol. I don't believe most religions as I find that those that follow limit themselves. I do like the 'order' that some religious thought systems seem to create..especially Buddhism..but I guess I pick & choose what I can identify with. It's taken 39 years for me to feel like it's OK not to know what you believe nor does it truly matter. I do like the way that those that are not committed to religion or the idea of 'God' or 'gods' seem to have a broader view when it comes to using their brains.
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@michellekia: "some connecting, indescribable force that connects us all"
That force is our shared humanity, our bonds as daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, lovers, neighbors, friends.... Religion weakens and distorts these bonds by urging us to shift our deepest feelings toward some imaginary sky fairy, and by encouraging us to hate and kill in the name of our different sects.
As an atheist, all of my feelings and experiences are in the real world. I believe that this is our only life, and that instead of preparing for eternity in the Catholic/Protestant/Muslim/Hindu/Buddhist version of cloud fairy paradise, we should be working to make the most of this one life for ourselves and others.
But you're right. The label doesn't matter.
@michellekia
Sometimes it takes baby step to break free of religion hold. I understand you not wanting to label yourself an atheist. But what do you call yourself for not having a belief in gods? Atheist is just one name used.
Love can be so overwhelming that the emotion can feel universal. I have experienced this. I thought I was experiencing a love from outside myself. I now feel that this emotion of love did not exist outside my self. I just thought it did. We all share the capacity for empathy and love but the only way to convey it to others is through action. Once humans and other living beings are gone , love is gone. (Old Hippy)