Well, it all started many, many years ago. Santa had been working hard at the North Pole to meet his yearly quota of toys. It had been a particularly hard year because of all the new government regulations and safety restrictions on toys. Yo-yo's could no longer be given to children under 7, model planes or cars could no longer be given to teenage boys because they were huffing the glue. Barbie dolls were a politically incorrect gift for young girls, it was a toy manufacturing nightmare.

Top all that off with the fact that raw materials prices had skyrocketed. Shipping supplies internationally was insanely expensive. The elves were always complaining about not having the materials they needed. Mrs. Clause was doing the books and pissed off about the expenses. Ole Santa was running about trying to make international deals, keep everyone happy, and loosing his hair and a lot of weight because of the stress.

Well, as I said, it had been a really tough year, but the worst was yet to come. About, two weeks before Christmas, Mrs Clause began getting sick. She just wasn't concentrating on the books and some of the payments were going out late. This was the big rush before Christmas day and now suppliers were refusing to send supplies. Santa had to use the magic sleigh to rush money to some of the suppliers just to get the supplies delivered. He was not in a good mood.

Santa tried to hurry the elves and then they got all pissy. "Fuck you Santa, we have been working our asses off. Everything is your fault. You have not given us the supplies we need on time."

"I don't care about that," yelled Santa, "If you want to keep your fucking jobs, work faster! And everyone will work overtime until Christmas day!"

Well, that just pissed off the elves and so they went on strike. "Fuck you," thought Santa, "I will just do it myself." So using his nose magic, he spent every day in the toy shop doing the work of the elves. But with only 5 days to Christmas, suddenly he ran out of supplies. What in the fuck was going on?

When he went outside he found that the trucks were not moving. Mrs. Clause had not paid them,. Where in the fuck was Mrs. Clause? She was sick in bed with the flu. Santa had to listen to her bitching for hours on end. "You don't care about me. All you care about is your damn Christmas. You never loved me. You only use me for your business. " OH FOR FUCK SAKE111

Santa finally got her calmed down. Picked her up some medicine at the pharmacy and gave her a little bell to ring. "Honey, when you ring the bell I will come running. I love you and I want you to get better soon." Santa then paid the truckers and they still refused to move the supplies into the toy shop. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON!" It was now just 4 days to Christmas and the truckers were honoring the elves strike. "FUCK"

So Santa had to sit down with the elves and promise them everything under the fucking sun so they would go back to work in the toy shop so the truckers would deliver the god damned materials to finish off the fucking toys so Santa could do his FUCKING JOB and make all the fucking little boys and girls happy of God Damn Christmas morning.

Finally everything was running smoothly. The elves were doing their jobs. The materials had been delivered. Santa actually thought he might get a bit of rest before his long sleigh ride Christmas eve. BUT NOOOOOOOO.... Mrs. Clause kept ringing that fucking bell. "I want a drink of water, I need some more tissues. It's too cold in here. It's too hot in here. What are you doing. This medicine isn't working, get me something different. Is there another blanket in the closet? Where is the remote for the TV? Why don't you ever spend time with me any more. What are you burning in the kitchen? " On and on and on. That frigging bell rang every 10 minutes.

With only two days until Christmas eve, Santa was at his wits end. Even though he had given into the Elves concerns, they were now complaining again. "Next year" thought Santa "everything is going to be mechanized. Fuck those elves."

It was time to get the reindeer ready for their journey. The sleigh was brought out but it was in no condition to ride. It had been used so often it was looking scruffy and scratched. It needed some touch up paint and a new coat of wax. The elves refused to help. It was not in the new agreement so Santa ended up doing it himself while being interrupted ever 10 minutes by that fucking bell he had given to Mrs. Clause.

Finally the sleigh was ready and it was the day before Christmas. Santa was actually hopeful that everything was going to be okay. When he went out to the toy shop he saw all the toys just sitting there. "Why aren't the toys being loaded into the sleigh?" He yelled. "Not in the new contract" came the reply from the elves. "FUCK!" Santa spent the next 6 hours loading the fucking sleigh with all the fucking toys that would make the fucking little boys and girls fucking happy on God Damn Christmas morning.

So the sleigh was loaded and now he had to hook up the reindeer."Where in the fuck were the fucking reindeer?" Well, he found them in the barn and realized he had not fed them because he was to damn busy loading toys into the fucking sled all fucking day long. He got them some fucking reindeer food and attached them to the fucking sled, one at a time as they finished eating. "AW FUCK" Rudolph had a cold and his nose was flickering on and off. Santa would be flying blind.

Finally, everything was as fucking ready as it could be. As he took to the sky he herd Mrs. Claus ring her stupid bell, but he was off to deliver the fucking toys to the fucking girls and boys for their fucking Christmas morning. During the journey he made several wrong turns, was nearly hit by a jumbo jet, flew through a flock of seagulls, and had to wipe reindeer vomit off of six different houses. Santa made a not to himself, "Never feed the reindeer just before a journey again."

The worst part of the entire trip was the fact that not one family had left him milk or cookies. Santa was sure that this would be the last season he would ever deliver Christmas. He managed to make his rounds and return to the North Pole. He put the reindeer in the barn and went into the house. He tried to start a fire in the fireplace but the wood was wet. So cold and shivering he sat back in the big chair in the cold empty room. No sooner had he sat in the chair than there was a knock at the door. "Fuck! Is this night ever going to be over." Thought Santa. He swung open the door and there on the stoop was this little fucking angel all smiling up at him. She Chirped out "Merry Christmas Santa!" Under her arm was the top of a Christmas tree that she had drug up to the door "Here is your Christmas tree, she cheerfully chimed. What do you want me to do with it?" "SIT ON IT! YELLD SANTA, AND HE SLAMMED THE DOOR SHUT."

And that is why there are angels on top of Christmas trees at Christmas time.

The trip might have gone as expected