Huff Post Australia, this morning Friday 21 February
A 9 year old indigenous boy who has Dwarfism is bullied every day because of his size. His mum had enough and has posted a video of his reaction on one day.. I think a video of a nine year old boy in tears and wanting to kill himself is heart wrenching.
The indigenous community have rallied around the boy to help him see he matters (see link)
I post this because at 14, I was the shortest boy in my class of 42 boys and was bullied. I remember how that felt, and what I endured as nothing in comparison. Besides, I could be vicious little animal, and hit back.This kid is just too small.
If he lived in the US he might take a gun to school and kill his attackers. I will keep my eye on this story.
Be interesting to see how many of his bullies are good christian lads.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/brisbane-mum-video-raise-awarene...
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I used to say kids can be cruel and vicious creatures.
Later I realized, all humans are, just adults in general are just more practiced at it, to not be so obvious so the repercussions of bullying others is not felt by the one bullying.
Also as adults we usually have some say with who we surround ourselves with. Where as kid you typically do not have any say at all on who your classmates are. Which change the dynamics a lot.
If I was bullied in the workplace, I have options, I can report it to the folks that can fire/discipline the person, or if that does not occur I could just attempt to find a different place. And ofcourse, I could take matters into my own hands. Most adults are well aware making yourself as an obvious enemy is a bad idea. Opening themselves up to all kinds of things, a simple example: like getting they favorite shiny new car keyed or far worse. Where if they simply kept their mouths shut and be less obvious about their bullying...
Of course there is plenty of exceptions to this rule. We have all dealt with adult bullies that apparently never figured out doing so outwardly is quite often of major detriment to them. Typically these people can be identified by them constantly complaining that no wants to be their friend and quite often, their whining of being an incel. (Involuntary celibate.) And act like they are owed a sexual partner without changing themselves.
Incels also typically expect that their sexual partner also matches closely to certain physical and personality expectations that frequently is eithir extremely rare or does not exist at all. And get very upset when such an impossible expectation is not met.
Meanwhile, my wife just shared me this meme while I was finishing up writing this:
https://www.facebook.com/684233818337530/videos/2663309543900114/?t=14
Yep, a nice humorous take on what I was just talking about.
I was bullied and harassed most of my years at school for various reasons, a visible disability being among them. I remember seeing hos my classmates mocked the two deaf kids in my school. Back in the 90s, then only response was, ignore it, they'll stop
Which was bullshit.
@LogicFTW
"Later I realized, all humans are, just adults in general are just more practiced at it, to not be so obvious"
Just so. It has long been my opinion that children under the age of 12 are a bunch of little psychos; no conscience ,no empathy.
The great weight of a conscience descended on me at age 12, over night. I suddenly understood the concepts of right and wrong, rather than a matter of cause and effect. Before that, I had become very cunning at avoiding the displeasure of adults. Simple really ,it was to present a picture of complete compliance, then do whatever I wanted.
Addendum; I have no children. If Idid I'm quite sure they would be perfect and ineffably cute, at least to me ,for at least 3 years, possibly 5. . .
Fuck cranky47, I needed to see it, but I didn't want to.
That is a sad tale.
@David
"That is a sad tale."
Very. Moved me to tears.
Update :
A go fund me was set up to send Quaden and his mum to Disneyland. Apparently it has reached $400k . Air Fiji has donated tickets.
Looking at all the celebrities especially who have come out of the woodwork ,(including Ellen Degeneres) I'm feeling a bit odd. --my bullshit detector has has set off the cynic and skeptic in me.
---Or am I just being a bitter old fart?
https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/quaden-bayles-mitch-tambo-nrl-in...
Sadly cranky47 some very negative shit has attached itself to this heart-breaking story. Of course some disingenuous celebrities have jumped on the sympathy wagon, and even worse, some internet trolls have claimed this story is just a scam and fake.
But that crap has been overwhelmed by positive support from people who really care. Hugh Jackman posted solid support for this young man, and the National Rugby League's Indigenous All-Stars team has jumped completely behind him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npsZSgpySlk
On reading this story, my first reaction was what the hell are the teachers in his school doing? In fact, why do they still have jobs? All in all, they're just another brick in the wall.
Two things need to happen. The victim gets support and coaching in strategies for dealing with bullies. And the little shits who are doing the bullying get disciplined, and their parents get called up to school to hear some home truths about their offspring. If that doesn't work boot their evil arses out of the school.
It made me sad , but also angry that kids still do this kind of shit! I too was bullied, or I could say almost beat to death. Two monsters I attended 7th grade with took it upon themselves to hit me with a 2 x 4 and throwing stars they got from shop class. I was knocked out cold and they still beat me when I was unconscious. There was blood everywhere and my nose was broken and I had cuts all over my face and two black eyes. The school gave them a one day suspension each and when I went back after a week I was subjected to more abuse by others as I was an easy target. They did this, because I have had twitches and tics my whole life. I was taken out of that school and sent to another for my own safety. Yes...if I would have had a gun, they would both be dead now and I would be in jail. It left emotional and physical scars on me. So when I see this shit still happen, I get enraged. Back then , they did nothing and there was not social media. Now it seems people get more support for it. I hope that bullies get beat down for this kind of crap. Unless you were a victim yourself, you have no idea how bad it is. I hope that he has a better life from now on, as he seems to have a lot of support from his story.
UPDATE
Quayden leads team out for footy
https://www.foxsports.com.au/nrl/bullying-victim-quaden-bayles-leads-up-...
Interestingly, there is no information about what is happening at his school. NOR even odder is the deafening silence from politicians ----Lotos of photo ops and TV cameras to be had. .
Well Quaden's Mum has a bit of money, I hope she sues the school and the parents of the bullies. --Plus make sure the money is managed properly, and send put him to a decent private school .
The Go fund me stands at $US430k ($AU650K)
Quaden's mum has knocked back the (now reported) $750K raised in support of her son. She has suggested two charities that could do more with the money and help more people. She maintains she is more focused on saving her son and children like him from bullying than getting money.
More power to them.
@Grinseed
" Quaden's mum has knocked back the (now reported) $750K raised in support of her son. She has suggested two charities that could do more with the money and help more people. She maintains she is more focused on saving her son and children like him from bullying than getting money."
Can't work out if she's incredibly selfless or incredibly stupid . I guess no reason a person can't be both.
Could she not have used a bit for her son's care and education? .I would. She could hire him a body guard at the very least. I would.
Quaden's mother needs to rethink her decision. That money would give Quaden better educational opportunities. And there are various health problems associated with his condition that may need treatment later on, such as arthritis. She should accept the money in the spirit that it was donated and use it to give Quaden the best possible future.
I have a tremendous amount to say about bullying, as I am a high-funtioning autistic person (formerly Asperger's Syndrome), and being bullied is part of being autistic. See link below:
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.autism-...
I just had my first book published, and--while writing the book--I had a big epiphany about bullying, and a deep insight as to why it happens.
Arnold Schwarrzenegger was very open about the principle of "psyching the opponent" in sports competition. His point (which is well taken) is that if you want to stand on a stage with a trophy and your arms raised in victory, then you must be the master of your mind as well as your body in your given sport.
If an opponent can throw you off your game by getting inside your head, then you deserve to lose even if you're better at the sport . . . as how can you expect the judging panel to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself?
Psyching an opponent is a form of gaslighting and bullying that competitors use against each other in order to win, and this is taught by coaches everywhere.
Here in the USA, sports are often viewed as a blueprint for success later in life. Things like football and basketball teach things like teamwork, accountability, and so on . . . which are all-important concepts in almost any workplace.
I think that the bullying starts when people at work and/or school begin to use "psyching" techniques taught to them by coaches during sports participation, so bullying is a tool for personal advancement in the employment and/or school settings.
Note that the bullies may--quite honestly--believe that they are "playing fair" in a competition for advancement since--as I indicated earlier--we view scholastic sports as part of a blueprint for success later in life.
I question where this leaves an autistic person (such as myself) who has asymetric vulnerabilities that get exploited by such bullies.
I may be wrong, but I think this theory seems to explain a part of the reason why bullies exist, why it's tolerated in our Western culture, why we are impatient and/or dismissive of people who complain about bullying, and why we believe that bullying will "toughen a kid up" and "make a man out of a boy", and how it's a "character-building" experience.
We often look at other cultures--such as Islam--and talk about how awful it is that women are oppressed . . . but maybe we need to examine some of the shortcomings in our own culture with the same degree of criticism if--for no other reason--to avoid being hypocritical.
@Kevin Levites
I think you may be right about sports and the work place, or politics for example, to an extent..Not sure how much that applies in Australia
I was bullied at age 12. For a few weeks, and never by the same person twice .First one, bit his finger to the bone-- he was sitting on my chest ,forcing grass into my mouth .Number two I beaned with a chunk of house brick, and knocked him cold. Number three, I punched him in the stomach, breaking his floating rib. -and no, I did not get into any trouble.
In my adult life, I was bullied occasionally at work, until I got high enough on the totem pole to protect myself.
The reason for the bullying was because I was always considered odd, strange, and a bit weird, at school and as an adult. That means it was and remains hard for me to make friends. Looking back,I'm amazed that I managed to get a girl to marry me. However, she eventually got fed up with my strangeness and left, in 1991. Last long term relationship ended in 2011. (she was also pretty 'unusual')
In 2012, at age 65, I had a 'a life event" which resulted in seeing a first rate psychiatrist. It was she who diagnosed autism spectrum disorder (Asperger's Syndrome) --- it has made no material difference day-to-day you understand. . But now I understand the why of it, and am no longer trying to 'fix" myself, which I've done for most of my life. .
I would be grateful to pick your brain about autism.
@Kevin
"I would be grateful to pick your brain about autism."
I'm afraid I'm reticent; it's a vast topic, and I can't claim to be an expert. I can only tell you about my experience.
The label doesn't mean the way we perceive the world and interact (or don't) with others will necessarily be the same
To kick off, I suggest having a look on Youtube . There are a A LOT of clips, about autism generally, and Asperger's specifically.
Some excellent Ted Talks on Asperger's , from sufferers. Their experiences are very different from mine .
My journey has been a a long one, and possibly atypical because of the late diagnosis . As I believe is not unusual with Aspies ,I also have some mental issues, first diagnosed when I was in my 20's. Just severe depression for a long time. Much later, social anxiety and OCD.
I have always hated taking psychotropic meds, so I avoided a medical approach for years. Tried all kinds of non medical therapies, together with self medicating with alcohol.
The alcohol consumption became alcoholism. I became a functioning alcoholic, and maintained that for years. I retired in 1999 because I was starting to 'slip '. I finally got sober in 2002, and have remained so. It was at that time I saw a GP (not a psychiatrist) and he put me on antidepressants, so I functioned, after a fashion. I coped with the world by withdrawing completely, often going for months with no human contact except at the shops. I had a virtual life on line, spending up to 8 hours a day on forums especially .I think that's an OCD thing, but I still need to watch it.
The shrink I finally saw put me on a cocktail of psychotropics, and I began to cope a lot more like a normal person. These days I even manage some regular human interaction, but find it difficult, and would rather not .
Oh, back In 2012.,I also started seeing a cognitive psychologist .She began with a battery of tests. I had always been convinced that I'm not very bright. I discounted my high university grades by telling myself it was just an easy course. Turned out that I'm a lot smarter than I had believed. No genius, but smart enough. I understand this also common with Aspies..
Don't know if the foregoing is of any use to you. That's as intimate as I'm willing to get on the forum. Any more will need to be by private message.
Thank you very much.
A lot of what you say resonates with me as well.
I'm estranged from most of my family because of my autism. My parents viewed autism in the same way that a strict religious family may view homosexuality.
I'm autistic by choice, because if I'm smart enough to multiply large numbers in my head, then I'm smart enough to know how to not be autistic. Since I choose to not fix my autism, that means that I choose to be autistic. Like an alcoholic who won't stop drinking.
In any case, your points were insightful, and I appreciate you sharing with me.
Thank you again.