For quite some time now I have been visiting the Fox News facebook page, mostly for giggles when the commenters there start foaming at the mouth about the ‘liberal agenda,’ whatever that is, and other colourful insanities. Chuckling away when they use great imagination to link events such as earthquakes to Barack Obama. Watching the rib-splitting “Fox News Fails” on Youtube where the various Fox News personalities get called out on their mistakes, exaggerations and lies is also quite fun. But it is not all hilarity on that page, more often than not I’m moved to long and deep depression when faced with the alarmingly backward thinking of some of the more dedicated viewers Fox News has.

But one night during my usual bickering with the not-so-aptly named Foxes, I felt something strange; something spiritual and clean that stirred deep down in my guttiwutts like a pot of scrummy honeyed porridge. A warm ethereal presence shot through my veins like a speeding holy locomotive and settled calmly in my heart. I had seen the light and had become a Fox News Christian… A Foxtian if you will, blending vague elements of Protestantism with right wing obsession.

After my dramatic conversion I decided to write another holy text, a new bible as it were, something my fellow Foxtians could read and agree with. And this bible, just like the original, shall be made up from a collection of profound and penetrating works of several great minds of our time, namely the commenters of the Fox News Facebook page.

This is a selection of completely unaltered Fox News viewer gems, and I chose only those which were of a religious nature and that were the top two comments or had a lot of ‘likes’ in the reply sections to ensure that enough people who view Fox agree with the things said. I call this new bible for the people of the earth…

What does the Fox News say?

On gay marriage

“God wiped out two cities over homosexuality (rebellion, disobedience). If he won't destroy the United states, he will have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah. But Jesus Christ never made a mistake. Just saying ... this country is cursing itself”

“Time to FIGHT BACK!! Sick of Federal Judges legislating from the bench. Sick of gay "rights" being shoved down our Christian throats. Sick of Christians being treated as the minority "oddballs" while unnatural and deviant sexual acts are considered the "norm" We seriously need to IMPEACH all in OUR GOVERNMENT who go against Almighty God and the Constitution, Boycott mainstream media and Hollywood. Also Move to reinstate Prayer in schools and bring back Corporal Punishment in our homes. Remind them that It is WE THE PEOPLE who own this Country, and are predominantly CHRISTIAN, and that WE THE PEOPLE will NOT stand for anymore of their WICKEDNESS!! Otherwise the Just Judgement of The Lord will fall upon ALL of our heads!”

“Enough already! Geeze cant wait until God passes judgement on this country and all the gays will face judgement like all the other sinners!”

“Yes, they do want Special Rights. There is a Lawsuit right now where two queers are Demanding a Congregation allow them to "marry" in their Church. Queers don't want Tolerance, they are Demanding Acceptance....Not Going To Happen.”

“Well it's unnatural, because they can't procreate. Hopefully, they will just die out! Unfortunately, they adopt and try to influence young minds towards their Lifestyle CHOICE.”

“The Human race will be extinct within 1000 years because there will be no straight couples to populate the Earth. May God have mercy on you all!”

On the Big Bang Theory

“lies! It was God! Science is the liberals tool. Evolution and Big Bang is pure communist satanic propaganda! accept Jesus or perish. Everything is in Genesis.”

“Well if I cared enough I would read the article but I think it's bunch of bull since I know God created the Heaven and the Earth and i don't need some so called scientist to tell me otherwise!1 Just another lie from satan to deceive people. sorry I know that I know that I know my God is real and the Jesus is Lord of my life! I don't need any so called findings about a big bang theory!!!”

“This is a BUNCH of bull...the one's that believe in the "Big Bang" & not God obviously don't believe in air...because you "can't believe in something you can't see" right?? I'm shocked Fox posted this!”

“I believe in the big bang. I believe God said BANG and life started.”

“So called scientists don’t know anything. Science is constantly changing its mind to suit the mindset of the people. The bible has not changed at all since the day it was written and has never been proven wrong.”

“A lie from satan to confuse the weak, God’s word is truth and those who say otherwise are hellbound”

On Pope Francis

“A Pope that changes Scripture to suit sinners? He's popular amongst the sinners...imagine that?”

“He is a false prophet and puppet of libs,he will lead those that follow to hell with his lies saying that atheist and gays are good in the eyes of god,they are not and never will be”

“Socialism, approves civil unions, says atheists can get into heaven on good works.... Really people... Really??? He is left wing and does not follow the bible. You'll see.... He will take the Catholic Church so far off course.... But then st Malachi said he would. Wait and see. But give your heart and life to Christ... Not a man they call pope.”

“A wolf in sheep’s clothing…Will lead the fools straight to hell”

“A communist pope leading his blind masses down to hell. I don’t even feel sorry for the fools!”

“No man but Jesus can tell me what to do…Especially not a demon in disguise like this one!!”

On Climate change

“Global warming is not real and even if it was real it is nothing to worry about as we are in God’s hands. He will decided our fate as a race so no point wasting tax dollars on something we can do nothing about”

“Global warming never existed. It's all a political scheme for the extreme environmentalists to get funding for their projects. This "polar vortex" is God's way of showing us that He is in charge and there is no global warming. Rant over.. Nuf said.”

“money racket. The climate is in the hands of the lord. Not human hands ,god controls the weather.It will be destroyed by fire when the end of tim comes.”

“Climate? Since when is an earthquake have to do with climate Change?? Liberals and their logic smh God give me strength to deal with these fools”

“CLIMATE CHANGE IS A HOAX! GOD IS IN CONTROL AND ALL THIS LIES IS JUST TO GET TAX DOLLARS!! DON’T BE FOOLED BY LIBERAL MEDIA!!”

“Global warming was made up for Liberal Atheist Hippies to have something to believe in!”

The Holy Fox has spoken

So there we are! All of your questions on hot topics answered. Now go forth and spread the good word.

Now these poorly spelled, grammatically incorrect ramblings might just be the work of a small group of disillusioned mental cases who got hit over the head with a bible one too many times, or it might be something larger and more foreboding--an anti-intellectual movement that is gaining both in speed and stupidity, storming for a head on collision with those it names oppressors.

Fox news is irresponsibly brewing hatred, poisoning the minds of its viewers with its very selective programming. Don’t believe me? Go onto the Fox News facebook page right now and look at the first couple of articles and they will be about either; Christians being persecuted, military veterans not being respected, high criticism of the Obama administration and the education system, the alleged scandal that is Benghazi, state rights being “violated” or a squelchy, feel-good story (usually with a Christian edge) and then go back on the site a week later and I guarantee the format would not have changed. They are pumping this into the heads of highly impressionable people. I doubt you’ll see any mention of atheist, Muslim or homosexual persecution. On the contrary, the only time any of those groups will be mentioned will be to demonise them.

Personally I cannot trust a news network that is so clearly biased yet refuses to admit it (which is why I don’t watch MSNBC either). Maybe Fox News has its purposes, but the top liked comments on most of the articles on that page are usually quite shocking. Perhaps Fox is not to blame for those that follow it, any more than the BBC is to blame for those that comment on its page, but when you are so clearly pulling in a single direction as Fox News does, you do tend to attract like-minded people who latch on. People enjoy having their prejudices and suspicions confirmed and Fox News does an excellent job of fuelling the fire. The level of hatred toward liberals on that site is worrying, I am talking genuine hatred, calling liberal minded people “scum” and “disease.” The level of spiteful paranoid delusion on that site truly has to be seen to be believed. So like I said, don’t take my word for it, go on the page and see for yourself.

This is not a political affair of right vs left. As I myself tend to lean more to the right on a lot of issues, this is a matter of truth vs lie.

Trust me people; this Fox is not wily, it is full of shit!!