I think the first and the most important thing an atheist should do whenever we find ourselves dating the religious is to tell them about our atheism. This is about being true to the one we claim we love, it’s about sincerity in the anticipated relationship, which is vital in all relationships.

Because our atheism is important to us, and because pretense to be religious would mean a total lie to the one we claim to love, it is imperative to let the religious person know. Though this revelation might break up the relationship, as most religious people claim to love their god more than they love their spouse, I still think that insincerity in relationships and ultimately marriage, breakup more marriages than differences in belief. After all, religious people also divorce. So religion is not the most important thing in marriage, it’s the two people involved. And differences in belief is not the ultimate decider of the success of a relationship, it’s still the two people involved.

Though the religious person might end the relationship because most religious people (that I have met) count it as an abomination to date atheists, I still think I would love to spend my time with a woman I can be totally sincere with, than live with a burning secret for the rest of my life.

I am not married yet, but if I eventually end up with a religious person (which I sincerely hope not), then I would succumb to some religious requests like attend a service that is very important to my spouse (I do this for my mum).

So long as we are training our children to be good citizens of the world, I won’t have problem with however they are raised up, as long as they know am an atheist. They would normally learn about atheism anyway, knowledge and information is open and free.

In-laws are no problem, my focus is on my spouse and my children.

I won’t force her against her wish for sex before marriage.

I definitely will have problem with a religious marriage ceremony but if I can’t talk her out of it, then I don’t have any option. Am the one marrying a religious person after all.

I have no problem with crucifix and other stuff in my home, but we will both know they mean nothing to me.

Any book can be in the house. She’s free to read any book, I am free to read any too, why should I have problem with the books she read?

If am going to marry a religious person, then I will be ready for all the resentments and other things that follow, like occasional getting preached to (that might be frequent, depending on your spouse).

I am an atheist, the rest of my family are Christians. They all know am an atheist and though sometimes, they talk about it, am still part of the family. I guess am just lucky to have such family members. Other atheists in Nigeria don’t have such story. An atheist in east Nigeria got disowned, another was declared a wizard, blamed for any misfortune in the family and so, banished. Any known atheist in northern Nigeria is probably dying or dead. Muslims kill people for becoming Christians in northern Nigeria without remorse, what they would do to atheists is unimaginable. Am in western Nigeria and the religious people here are kind of relaxed in their religious fanaticism, even though they would offer nothing of help upon learning you don’t belief in any god (they prefer you believe in one, even if it’s not their god).

So, I think that where it doesn’t translate into anyone losing their life, and if we can handle the stigmatization that follows, our spouse (and indeed, people around) should really know us. But if it’s not safe, if it means death or imprisonment to be an atheist, then such declaration is totally unnecessary, because our survival comes first.

In conclusion, if a woman cannot love me as an atheist, she cannot love me at all. So if I find myself dating a religious woman (which I sincerely hope not, once again) and if after telling her am an atheist, she quits, then she’s not worthy of me. Whatever follows, what matters is that there must be sincerity in all relationship, no matter what. That’s what I think.

 - Pelumi Abiodun