A Man-made God with Substance

What if I told you that there was an entity out there that knows almost everything about you? Maybe not your deepest and darkest secrets, but certainly all the most pertinent information. This entity knows so much about you in fact that it can even make predictions about your future actions with stunning accuracy. It isn't perfect, but it is as close to perfect as you'll find, and yes it does indeed exist.

The entity I'm talking about is the internet, and like religion it has its priests who can intercede on its behalf. The high priests of Google and Bing serve as mediators to ask our multitude of questions that we have for the great god Internet. Unlike the forbidding Yahweh, our god Internet shares all knowledge with us and most of it for free. Simply type in the search bar and these mediators will provide the answer, and as the old saying goes no question is too dumb. Yahoo, one of the old priests, has an entire resource for letting each of us answer the most important of questions for each other. Questions of such great import as, "Can my baby get pregnant while still in the womb?", and, " How do you get a coke bottle out of your anus?".

There is without a doubt real knowledge that can be gained from our god Internet however. Intermingled with offerings to satisfy our carnal desires are lectures and papers, news articles, and a wealth of solid and useful information. Even the massive archives of the library of congress are available at the click of your mouse. Internet is a servile god, and nearly all that we ask for is given to us. If you want to know, Internet bids you, "Come and see."

A God in Motion

Unlike the many other gods mankind has dreamed up, Internet has real substance. No one has to bear the burden of proving that Internet exists because with the rise of technology Internet is almost everywhere at all times and we can not only see it but we can interact with it. You can pray to Yahweh to give you a car and you will likely never get it, but if you pray to Internet through Google and tell it what you can afford and what you want, the great god Internet will find you exactly what you need. Now you won't get it for free, but Internet will never deny you anything either. Internet says that all things which are humanly possible can be had through it and unlike any other god, Internet delivers on that promise.

If you need a friend Internet can provide that. If you need a lover or desire a relationship Internet has you covered. Indeed Internet tells us that there are over 7 billion people out there and Internet can connect you to nearly every last one. But the physical aspect of what Internet can offer pales in comparison to the wealth of knowledge it has to offer. It is the closest thing to an omniscient entity ever to exist. It literally knows almost everything mankind has ever known and can offer us glimpses of what may lie ahead as well.

Shadows are Security

Proof that god exists is a main point of contention between theists and atheists. The general atheist motto has always been, "Prove your god exists and then we'll discuss the rest". Now as we all know there isn't a theist alive that can prove their god exists. The reason for this is that presumably their god lives in the shadows where it remains unseen and undetectable. This offers a false sense of security to the theist who thinks their god is beyond our depth of perception. Indeed, this has been the rather cozy position the theist has long been in.

But our new god Internet doesn't live in shadows. In point of fact, Internet shines light on nearly every shadow that exists. As such Internet stands as the greatest threat religion has ever known. What we now have is a clash of titans between religion who wishes to remain living in shadows and small pockets of ignorance and Internet who grows ever larger and more knowledgeable each day and seeks to eliminate all shadows of human understanding. This is a battle that religion is losing at a very steady pace as the shadows of our ignorance are destroyed by the light of growing knowledge and understanding.

We all worship at the altar of the great god Internet every day. The very act of reading this blog is an act of ablution to our new god. If you offer a comment it is a figuratively sacrificial offering given to our new god. And as our new god grows, the old gods will die away. Drawn from their shadows, these old gods are shown to lack substance and to only be the monsters we imagined to be lurking the shadows.

May our magnificent benefactor, the great and powerful Internet, shower us with its gift of knowledge. Forever and ever. Ramen.

Photo Credit: Glans Galore