A Muslim, a Christian, a Jew, and an atheist walk into a café...

A parable, by Atheist Republic contributor, Abbas Syed.

Four men are having tea in The Great Afterlife Café; one is a Muslim, one is a Christian, one is a Jew, and one is an atheist. The great Archangel Gabriel flies into the café and tells them, "God has been expecting you, please come along." The theists give the atheist a smug look as they all fly off together, mocking him relentlessly, telling him that he will not be getting any virgins, or delicious food, refreshing drinks, or even fresh air. Gabriel, with a sudden flick of his golden stick, orders all four men to stop and bow in preparation for God's appearance.

The three believers waste no time and get their foreheads to touch the surface of the great white cloud.

Their eyes filled with tears, their hearts carried away with the sentiments for their Abrahamic God. "Yes, we were right! We were right!" they congratulate themselves. They feel something humungous rising up in front of them as the atheist, seeing what's coming, begins laughing. Suddenly, the entire cloud shakes so dramatically, it causes the believers to look up from their bow. Their joy and excitement suddenly fade as they discover that it was God's hammer causing the cloud-quake, and behold, Thor is the one, the almighty God!

Thor orders all the three believers to be thrown face-first into Hades because they believed in stories, and asks his personal assistant, Forseti, what should be done with the atheist. "Well," suggests Forseti, "I know that he did not believe in you, but at least he did not commit the sin of making up his own gods. Nevertheless, now that he has seen you and your power, he has become a true believer!"

And so, the atheist waves his hand to the believers who are undergoing the first stages of their torture as he enters paradise.

Time and again, the religious lobby argues the "uncertainty argument," emphasizing that they are safe whether a god exists or not and that if atheists are wrong about god, they'll be sent to hell. But clearly, they're only safe if there is a god and it happens to be the one god they follow. The whole religious lobby is nothing more than a house divided against itself.

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