Hello AR,
I've signed up today for the forums, even though I knew about this place for quite a while. I am gonna keep this short, so I don't bore you with too many details.
I was born in a Christian family. Up until 2014, I sort of believed there was a God, yet I am pretty sure I never truthfully believed. I believed because I was taught that way. And mostly, because I was heavily scared about the concept of Hell. That year is an important milestone in my life, because after suffering a bad breakup and health damages, I realized that I was mortal. Prayers were not working and I didn't got better. I slowly lost faith, but I never really thought about it. That's when pretty much I became an atheist.
When I was a teenager, I started having these irrational thoughts about God. Unpleasant thoughts, yet somehow uncontrollable and involuntary. They were mostly curses about him and other sacred personalities. Maybe it sounds weird to some, but they came out of nowhere. I remember feeling like shit. I was still somewhat of a believer back then and I was painfully acknowledging that I will go straight to hell. It bummed me out, depressed me and was making me feel horrible. This took a while to process, my mother took me to several churches to find a solution for these thoughts, but nothing was helping. As I grew older, I started focusing on other things and for quite a few years they went away.
But lately, I have been having them again. In a twisted way, the past is back to haunt me. I have been reading about the contradictions of the Bible, read several experiences from former Christians and spent these past few days reinforcing my mind that it's all in my head, that they do not mean a thing and I am not actually offending anyone, since I am no longer a believer. It's like a part of my mind still believes there's a Hell and God can hear my thoughts and I'm screwed.
I am just stressing myself out and I cannot get out of the loop of thoughts at certain points during the day, even though rationalizing helps me. I cannot afford therapy currently and I'm scared that I'm actually mentally ill.
Can anyone recommend me some solutions, if possible? I really want to be able to control most of my thoughts. I know that I can't control them all, but I cannot have this on my mind again and I want to make peace with myself. I apologize if this is not the place to ask for help.
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Same. I was a Christian and we have the same problem. It's like when you were a christian, you had doubted about god but now that you became an atheist, you're doubting about like "what if i'm wrong?" "What if the bible is true?"
But well, I realized that hey i did everything to understand the bible and to understand god but why cant i still understand it? I did so much research because i tried to stronghold of what i believed in but the result is i became an atheist.
I realized why did god cant help me to understand him. Like fuck i did my best. Did he want me to get mentally ill before i get to understand him?
He's too powerful isnt he? He can send me atleast one man or one angel (like what the bible said lol) or anything that can help me to understand him. Why cant he do that?
Because he said he want us to be saved right? I did my best to be "saved" yet why cant i.
I thought he would help me in my problem because i was sincerely trying to understand his words
Yet because of this i often had a panic attacks
Am i not meant to be saved? Am i meant to be in "hell"?
Nana, I understand you completely. These past few days have been quite hell (no pun intended). The more I research the Bible and into this matter, the more I realize I no longer can be a believer. I've tried understanding God, I've prayed constantly to have a clear head and never have awful thoughts and nothing happened. I prayed to be healthy again, yet it never happened.
I've passed though countless panic attacks and felt awful because my prayers were never answered and my thoughts just kept popping, hurting me even more. I think that we both need to figure out how to make peace with ourselves, but I no longer want to feel fear because of this. We shouldn't live in fear from the wrath of a creator with supposedly limitless love.
While I have not had a similar experience to you guys, one idea I can point for you guys if you have not already heard of it is:
"Pascal's Wager" or more specifically, the refutation of it.
Pascal's wager basically says: that belief gives you a reward or (practically) nothing, while disbelief gives you punishment or nothing.
The refutation of it basically says that math only works if there is only 1 option for a god.
The reality is, since there is no testable evidence of any god, we must give equal credence to all ideas of god if we want to believe in a god. And since we are talking ideas and not testable evidence, there is an infinite amount of god ideas. The god I am making up right now in my head, as just as much testable evidence as any other god. I just made up 1000 different got ideas in my head, I did not even name them, they all have the same amount of credence of being "the one true god" as any other.
Since nearly all major religion faiths demand that you must believe in their god to have reward in it, you have to pick one, one out of an infinite number of them. Basically, if there is a real god out there that left no testable evidence, you have essentially zero chance of picking the right one. Your options are if you believe in any god, your going to hell, or nothing happens.
I pick the side of testable evidence that you and I can perform. Nothing happens. Terrifying thought in its own right, but infinitely better then an eternity of agony.
The idea of heaven and hell was made up by humans to help sell their religion. Realizing this, do not let the idea of heaven and hell hold sway over you there is zero evidence for it, and because of that you will never pick the "right" god. Pascal's wager falls apart given infinity and becomes meaningless.
Further reading: http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Pascal's_wager
these verses are they coming from within yourself or are they outside you? you sound like you had some resentments about god this is natural when your tearing away from Christianity, I would be concerned if I started to hear voices that is not mentally healthy As for you reading opposing points of view you have to be careful what content you read and by whom. its very healthy as I an atheist feel to question the bible and Christianity in general then make a decision which one you will choose. But try to lighten up its not worth getting excited or alarmed about its only religion and as I can attest it is not written in stone that god exist.best of everything to you in your walk.
Hi Kris and Nana,
Your conflicts are common; it can be tough to purge all that indoctrination and guilt from your mind. When you have time, I suggest that you read through the following essay. Its conclusion is that when closely examined, belief in God and Christianity rest on very insubstantial foundations.
“The Bible and Christianity - The Historical Origins. A rational, secular, historical perspective on the history of Christianity and its scripture. Scott Bidstrup
http://www.bidstrup.com/bible.htm”
(Thanks to Pitar for bringing this to my knowledge.)
The essay is about 23,000 words long, so make a pot of coffee and a sandwich before you start.
You have to first take it all to the source. Who originally put the notions of gods, religions, hell, the bible and all its cast of characters in your heads? It was people you implicitly trusted and probably still do, or want to deeply. No problem. Trust is great and we all need to place it in someone at sometime in our lives. If we don't then we are either individual pillars of strength and need no one outside ourselves, or we simply can't trust anyone at the moment and feel frightened and unsure of ourselves. Sounds like you guys chose Plan B for a reason you're are now feeling you need to explore.
Okay, we've rejected the notion of god and the trappings of the bible, etc, etc. Is that all? What went out the window with all that? Do you think we tossed out the trust in the people who originally put those stories in our heads? Probably. Now we're alone and don't like it.
I lived a lonely child's life with parents I thought were wacko for allowing themselves to be duped. But, it was easy for me because I'm one of those pillars of strength noted above and knew at a young age that man was a joke unto himself by evidence of his theology. Still, I lost my parents to it and could never resolve that within my own youth-limited framework for logic. I'm probably not the only child to suffer through that. Our parents are wackos. Tough thought to carry with you throughout your life.
So, now we're alone, having dispensed with both the theology and those we trusted who indoctrinated us with it. It's time to begin anew with a clear head and a sure footing. We want to trust someone but they must earn it. We know no one has the vision of clairvoyance for touching our shoulders and revealing to us what we need. We have to seek it out. We don't know where to look, though.
Unfortunately, no one knows. The atheist title does not imbue us with certain powers to better resolve our lives in the absence of make-believe. We just know that the theology man holds dearly onto is part of the make-believe we've dismissed, along with people who put their trust in it, and we are otherwise left in our own company to reinforce our resolve. That is our strength if we do not otherwise possess it inside ourselves.
Look for purpose and be part of it whenever you can. Otherwise always remember you have worth and can prove it.
Kris,
You have to be comfortable in the things you believe in. You shouldn't adopt other people's beliefs because they may not be right for you. You need to find your own road and confront your own fears.
As for the biblical God, remember he's described as the God of the Hebrews and the God of the armies.
Exodus 3:18 (ERV) = “The elders will listen to you. And then you and the elders will go to the Pharaoh. You will tell him, ‘Yahweh is the God of the Hebrews. He came to us and told us to travel three days into the desert. There we must offer sacrifices to Yahweh our God.’
Hosea 12:5 (ERV) = "Yes, Yahweh is the God of the armies. His name is Yahweh."